Da Costa Spurs de Points

Firstly, I’m quite proud of the title of this piece, it can function in multiple ways, take a second to think about that, oh you agree it’s quite brilliant, ok good.

Last week was monumental for us all, there is no denying that, and the amount of “firsts” we seemed to accomplish was rewarding, but mainly relieving. First win of the season, first away win since August 2009, first league point, first win against “Arry, and first win against our bitterest PL rivals Spurs in what seems to be an eternity…and this time around there wasn’t a dodgy East End lasagna in sight.

So, I gave Avram a bit of a hard time in one of my previous posts, but the positives coming out of this club in the last week or so also earns him a pat on the back. The draw at Stoke, the win in the cup against Sunderland, and now a display that was unmatched in passion and fervor for as long as I can remember against our arch enemies, have all contributed to a nice feel good vibe amongst us fans. It’s still a long way to Christmas though, and that should be when we really know what kind of season we’re looking at.

But hey, lets stay on the positives, and relish this result for a little, it’s been so long since we’ve beaten Tottenham, and been so long since we’ve seen our team play that well, that I just have to let it marinate.

Player Reviews

Greeno – Rob was a giant in goal with a couple of classy saves, and one world class “howthefuckdidhegettothat” reaction save from a 2000mph flying volley from inside the box. His decision making was excellent, his distribution was good, and he flipped off the press box at the end of the game earning him extra brownie points. In fairness he’s been slaughtered by the press in recent months, everything from his slip up in the USA game to him seeking a priest in his personal life has been inked all over the back pages of some of the rags, and I can fully understand his anger against the way he has been treated. Rob, you’re a great keeper, and your charity work in Africa shows that you are a good man, I’m proud to have such an ambassador at our club.  9

Jacobsen – What a difference having a real right back makes eh? Lars has been brilliant so far, his positional sense is excellent, and he’s fitting in well at the back. He made one brilliant last ditch tackle against Crouch on Saturday that was noteworthy, and he doesn’t give the ball up nearly as easy as Faubert (who always seems to have the ball stuck under his feet). He’s not gonna light the world on fire, but I’m more than happy with a competent RB that doesn’t leak goals and steps up when called upon which is exactly what he did on Saturday.  7

Gabbidon – He’s not a natural left back, but fair play to him he’s doing well there. He’s got pace too which helped to subdue Lennon, and he uses the touchline well to pin his opponents in. Good performance.  7

Upson – Decent performance from our captain, looks a lot more competent with Da Costa next to him. Won a good amount in the air, and commanded the line.  7.5

Da Costa – For me has been a revelation since coming back in to the starting 11. 7’13” Crouch won one ball in the air that I counted, and he countlessly won ball after ball on the deck too, breaking down Spurs’ movement and just being a royal pain in the arse. His distribution from the back is also very good, and there’s a noticeable difference in Upson’s performances since he has partnered him. He’s earned his starting place in my book, and our whole defence looks 100% better in the course of seven days. Brilliant stuff…how high can that man jump?!!  9

Defence Overall: Much much better, playing as a unit, they got stuck in, and made Tottenham revert to long distance shots. Superb.

LBM – The three people who read this blog will know that I’m not the biggest fan of Luis, but to his credit he’s knuckled down and not looked like half the crazy BSE-infected bastard that he did last year. Against Spurs he made some nice passes, pressured their players, and filled the job that Avram gave him. Credit where it’s due.  7

Dyer – Off early again due to “dizziness”, he must’ve had the lasagna, and of course the one place our medial staff didn't check him in the last 3 years was his ears. Shame, because he’s been looking good, and you just have that feeling that once he gets one goal he could be on his way to a great season.  5

Parker – I will admit that I spontaneously joygasmed when we kept Scott Parker during the end of the transfer window, he is a solid player and has the attributes and attitude that others need to emulate. His work rate on Saturday was excellent, he was everywhere, tackling, passing, breaking down the play, and his game can only get better with strikers that give him either a pass or a foil. Right now he is Mr. West Ham.  8

Noble – This may be the best performance Marky has put in, he did everything that Parker did and more. If not for a top class save from Cudicini  9

Midfield Overall: They didn’t stop, tireless, aggressive, passionate, and just brilliant all day long. Parker and Noble had their best game together.

Pokemon – Great performance, well taken goal, and seems to be an intelligent striker who can create some space and is good in the air. He worked his socks off and for that alone gets a 9

Obinna – Change I can believe in. He was immense and a constant threat all day. He’s not afraid to shoot, he passes well, and his link up play with Pokemon and our midfield really made a difference. The shot where he out muscled Hutton and took on his left on the bounce was excellent and deserved a goal. If he can put in that much effort every game he will get goals.  9

Strikers Overall: I honestly believe that our strikers made the difference in this game. Having two strikers that make runs, get into space, keep the ball, hold it up for support, and are inventive takes a lot of pressure off of our midfield and defence. Just having the ball up the opponent’s end of the field for longer can make a difference. But now you see that given an outlet our midfield can produce some excellent opportunities, and Saturday we looked more than ever this season that we have goals in us. This change was much needed, and not to slate Carlton Cole who has done a hard job on his own essentially up top, but these two are both mobile, they both like the ball, and they’re not trying to out muscle people on every play, they also use their wit, speed, and skill – having these extra tools in your belt gives us more options and makes our attacking play more potent. One more thing, they look to be on the same wavelength, when was the last time we had two strikers we could say that about? Hartson and Kitson?

Subs:

Barrera – Played ok, he slid two beautifully weighted balls into the box causing confusion between the defence and the keeper that nearly paid off. Looks comfortable on the ball, just needs to realize that in the PL you’re going to get hit, it aint continental football, so needs to be a little stronger. Can’t fault him though, came on for Dyer, got stuck in and did a job.  7

Cole – Came on for Pokemon late in the game, but did well to slow the game down and run the clock off when he was in possession. His off the ball movement is still incredibly frustrating.  6

Kovac – Came on for the tiring and always on a yellow LBM. Hustled and bustled and generally made a nuisance of himself, but can’t say he stood out.  6

Man of the match? Who knows there were a couple of them. I suppose I’d have to say Noble edges it, but Da Costa gets man of the week for me.

Overall a brilliant team performance, we had leaders all over the pitch, and it’s nice to finally get 3 points and get off the bottom of the table. If this is the kind of performances that we can expect then who knows, we could be pushing for a top 6 place this year. Consistency is going to be the key, and us being West Ham, keeping injury free too will determine a large part of our season. Upton Park needs to return to fortress status, and going away should be a little easier now that we’ve beaten our year long duck. Like I said I’ll reserve total judgement until Christmas, years of being a West Ham supporter has taught me patience, but it would be wrong not to be optimistic after Saturday. Our reaction to playing Fulham next week should be interesting, after all it’s not hard to get pumped up against a team you know every supporter hates like Spurs, but it will be the results against teams that no one really gives a toss about like Fulham that define our season.

Never a dull moment.

Don't Ask Why

I just made this, no idea why or what it means, but you gotta love Abe's beer helmet.

 

We’re Avram a Terrible Time

New season, same old West Ham. New manager, same old West Ham. New signings, same old West Ham. Perpetual disappointment, frustration, and an everlasting feeling of wanting to throw hard objects through the television continue.

So anyway, out goes Zola, in comes Avram Grant, the unproven ambiguously-bipolar-undertaker looking Israeli. I can’t say I was thrilled at the prospect of Grant managing us, for one he seems to have gotten a massive amount of praise from the press without actually earning any of it. Yes yes yes, Portsmouth did so well under his management, so well in fact that if they didn’t have 9 points deducted from them they would’ve won the league, or at least that’s what the press would have you believe. The fact of the matter is, had they not had 9 points taken off Pompey would’ve finished bottom and still would’ve been 7 points from safety. So no, I can’t say he did all that well there. Oh a cup run you say? Well when you’re practically relegated by the new year I’d expect you to go all out for the cup, oh yeah, they didn’t win that either.

Uuuuuum Chelski? Yes he led them to the Champions League Final, I get that, but you’re looking at a squad there that without a manager should be looking to compete at that level. Grant’s easiest chance of silverware was the FA Cup final against Spurs, they fucked that up. The fact is that Grant is the only Chelsea manager since Claudio Ranieri (2000-2004) not to win a single thing. Reminders for those that need them, Ranieri was the first manager with Russia’s treasury department at his disposal, and the squad that was so successful under that twat Moriniho was largely put together during those years.

So anyway my point is, Grant isn’t football’s equivalent to Stephen Hawking. He isn't a genius, he isn’t going to be theorizing all these new systems and strategies that will turn West Ham into Real Madrid, and he doesn’t communicate through a straw attached to a fucking computer; although for the record he probably should, as at the very least he’d have to move his mouth a little bit and possibly show some emotion, and the rest of us wouldn’t have to listen to his stupid accent. Seriously, I can’t take it. When he speaks it sounds like two frogs fucking to the death.

I’ll back him though, that’s the West Ham way. I honestly used to take pride in the fact that we’d had fewer managers in our history than any other team in English football, and I find it sad that our policies in the 2000’s have turned that on its head. Turbulent decade perhaps, hopefully a better future lies ahead.

So three games and three losses. No surprise there. The media is having joygasms at the thought of another relegation fight, and of course they’re ignoring everyone else apart from us. Stoke, 3 losses, one of which is to Wolves. Everton, two losses and a draw, the draw was to Wolves. Wigan, thumped by Blackpool! The teams around us are in trouble too, but of course Upton Park is the centre of the universe when it comes to unrest, so Moyes and Co will get a pass from the press, while we’ll be accused of having a falling out in the dressing room, orgies with nuns, and Luis Boa Morte going around the training ground dressed like a witch doctor.

Walla-walla-bing-bang-BOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Note to press: When West Ham fans start booing when we lose to Chelsea next week, please remind the world that Spurs fans booed their team off against Wigan this Saturday just days after making the CL group stages. TWATS.

I honestly don’t think we’ve played all that badly with the exception of the Villa game. Bolton we just lose to, always, we know that. And playing at The Theatre of Commentators’ Wet Dreams is never easy, although selecting to start Jon Spector and LBM certainly doesn’t give you an advantage in any game. I think the most interesting if not annoying thing about the last few games is how little the new signings are being used, and how similar to last season we look. Surely new players are brought in to better the team, if that’s the case then why aren’t they on the field? Barrera looks interesting, always looking to get forward and shoot, and he can take a tackle better than Diamanti, didn’t feature yesterday until the second half. Pokémon was another one that featured late, and Reid didn’t feature at all, although in all honesty was I supposed to get excited about that signing? Winston Reid? Who’s that? Oh he played in the World Cup? Oh, it was for New Zealand and not a real country. Prediction: He’s the next Tyrone Mears.

Oh fuck Tal Ben Haim is so uninspiring I forgot to mention him in the last paragraph.

To sum up let’s do a typical positives and negatives thing…

Positives

Some of the long term injuries seem to be fading away a little, both Dyer and Gabbidon played (well) against Man U.

Barrera looks to have potential.

We can pass the ball, even if it is mostly sideways and backwards.

Negatives

We still switch off two or three times a game - this always seems to cost us goals.

We haven’t scored from open play yet and I’m not sure we can.

Any one of our current players playing right-back, especially Jon Spector.

And can someone other than Parker please provide a bit of steel. I’m sick of us not getting stuck in and mixing it up a bit. I miss the days of Julian Dicks.

So yeah all is not well, but it’s early days and the doom and gloom mongerers are out way too early. Simply put, if these three fixtures were side by side in January and we had lost them, this wouldn’t even be a discussion. Judgment should be left until around Christmas.

We’ve got a couple of days left of the transfer window and with one or two decent additions we could be quite a potent team. The need for a rightback and a goal scorer are quite obvious. If it were my choice I’d have Robbie Keane. Unpopular at West Ham I know, but he’s Premiership proven unlike half the people we go after, and he’d be good for around 15 goals a season, he’s also the type of player that can latch on to one of Carlton Cole’s mis-controlled balls and make something of it. And at the back we need steel, god only knows who could fill this roll, but someone whose face doesn’t break for fun while scoring own goals would be a good start.

Again, too early to really judge, but fuck me are they frustrating.

Falk Off, They're Ours

Aaaah Chavez, he's definitely on my list of top 10 favourite dictators of all time; not for any presence of being a hard man like Pol Pot, or, like Stalin, and in fact being able to deliver any kind of military backing for any of his words, EVER; but he just screams "look at me, look at me, please world, please think that I'm relevant." In this way he is the dictatorship equivalent of a non-alcoholic beer; looks the part, even tastes like the part, but doesn't make you go all wobbly at the knees after a 12 hour bender.

So, the year is 1982, I mean 2010 and The Falkland Islands, or "Islas Malvinas" are being claimed by the Argentinians, again. Britain is saying "No, no, no, they're ours" and the British oil company Desire has already popped a massive hole in the seabed searching for black gold 60 miles off the shore of the islands. The Argies are all pissed off and having a go at dicking around with shipping routes of their coast, the US is staying out of it, and the rest of Latin America is apparently behind Argentina grandstanding and banging their hands on tables somewhere in the middle of Mexico.

This is a load of bollocks.

I don't mind Argentina, they're alright, I love Carlos Tevez, their flag is one of the most original out there (yes that always scores points with me), and I even gave Madonna's portrayal of Nazi sympathiser Juan Peron's wife Evita a try - although all that singing on balconies was just a bit too much for me. But it is absolutely laughable that they should claim the Falkland Islands for their own, please allow me to regurgitate some facts that I believe are why the islands firmly belong to Britain...

• The islanders hold British citizenship
• The islanders have stated that they want to remain British (I'm a fan of self determination, so is the UN by the way)
  
• The population of the island is over 70% made up of British peoples, with the other 30% being a mixture of French, Dutch, and Chilean ancestry
• The islands were first spotted by the British in 1592, visited in 1690, and settled in 1765

The Argies however don't agree, and they believe that their ownership of the islands lies in the fact that the islands are off of their coast, and that they took over the dispute of the islands that was formerly between the UK and Spain when they won their independence from Spain back in 1816. And so now they're going around pontificating about the bad "colonial" and "imperialist" Britain in the hope that they get to kick out British peoples from the islands and colonise it themselves and get their hands of some of that love-er-ly oil moolah. The irony of the situation has reportedly made Alanis Morissette's head explode.

And don't even get me started on this recent "summit" in Cancun, actually I'm already started so let's point out a couple of things about that too. For humour's sake, I'm going to assume all of these leaders were shit faced and wearing novelty sized sombreros like all other visitors to Cancun...

Firstly, let's point put which countries would automatically lose their independence should sovereignty be tied to geographical proximity to a significantly bigger neighbour - Belize, Cuba, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, El Salvador, Guatemala, Guyana, Haiti, Jamaica, Panama, Paraguay, Uruguay.

Secondly, how many of the governments in these countries could use a nice press hit to boost ratings back home and serve as a much needed distraction from actually bettering their people? I'm going to list these in four categories - 1.Our economy is in the shitter because we produce only fake leather shoes and 3 metre lengths of string 2.Oh fuck I need to get re-elected soon 3.My country is run by gang-banging drug smugglers 4.The Joe Stalin Award for Awesome Oppression (JSAAO) goes to...

1. For the sake of time, I'm going to say all of them with the exception of Argentina, Brazil, and Mexico who make up 3 of the G-20 countries. Although Chile and Columbia come in as also rans.

2. Thank you to the lovely people at commonborders.org for this...

Country	Date	Term
Costa Rica	Feb. 2010	4
Peru	Apr. 2010	5
Colombia	May 2010	4
Mexico	July 2012	6
Brazil	Oct. 2010*	4
Nicaragua	Nov. 2011	5
Guatemala	Nov. 2011	6
Bolivia	Dec. 2010	5
Argentina	Oct. 2011	4
* First round.

3. Special mentions must go out to the whole of central America, Mexico, Columbia, Bolivia, and Peru - but this map should help you visualise it a bit better...



4. Venezuela, Cuba, Honduras, and arguably a few more too.


Thirdly, well there really is no thirdly, but your honour, let the record show that the backing of Argentinia was hardly given by the most credible nations in the world.


So then, what of it? Not much really. In the aftermath of the Falklands war Britain upped the level of security on the islands, and as we speak a sub is on it's way to the region to protect British citizens should the Argies feel like trying anything on. The ironic thing is, they planted so many landmines around the island in the first war, any attempt at invasion similar to last time would surly lead to massive casualties. But I expect very little to come of this, this is merely posturing by countries and leaders that are following the rhetoric and stances of populism and distancing themselves from the richer northern hemisphere nations in an attempt to win back some public favour after what has been a disastrous couple of years for the global economy.


For the record awesomely original flags include the countries of Wales, Nepal, Qatar, and Sri Lanka - who doesn't love a fucking lion wielding a sword?

On Borrowed Time

So the debt ceiling just got raised to almost $15,000,000,000,000 - an almost incomprehensible sum, a ludicrous sum, an amount so high that I'm getting spasms just thinking about it. Whose idea was this? "Well boys and girls we're in a lot of debt, and the economy is in the shitter, what shall we do? I've a great idea, let's borrow some more fucking money until we've borrowed so much that all of the toner at the fed and the treasury run out of ink."

Good plan eh? But seriously, who actually believes that you can borrow your way out of debt and economic downturn? I know everyone loves the Keynes bandwagon, but there has to be some kind of threshold as to where his philosophies just come short. I can't possibly believe that if this country continues to try and borrow it's way out of the problem while the citizens continue to be frugal then the shortfall between what the government is spending and what the government is bringing in just has to be too large of a gap to fill with anything shorter than taxing the living shit out of people.

The latest figures on each American's portion of the debt is estimated at around $45k, that doesn't sound too good does it? But this also is a skewed figure, the formula they used to make that projection is debt/population, or roughly 15t/300m. What really should have been the formula to get a good rough estimate is debt/population that actually pay taxes - and by that I mean people who ACTUALLY have to pay taxes, so no kids on there, no illegal immigrants on there, no one below the threshold of when you have to pay taxes (aka poverty line folks etc...) - when you re-do the math, and this is important for those who actually do pay taxes, it works out to roughly $100k per tax payer. Add on top of that interest that is going to compound over time, or add the leniency for separate tax bracket groups and this gets a lot worse for certain people on the social spectrum. THAT IS ABSURD.

I can't really offer any more on this post, I normally like to be snarkier than this too, but so egregious the nature of this problem is I don't think I can bring myself to do it. That's a jaw-droppingly large figure, and stands as proof for me that this government needs serious reform; we need to cut the fat, get back to the basics, and stop trying to provide everything to everyone. Being everyone's provider isn't the most selfless thing to be, the most selfless thing to be is taking care of yourself so that no one else has to.


Cash for Wankers

...Also, did anyone hear about the new cash for appliances program? Same theme as cash for clunkers except now you can help your neighbour get a brand-spanking-new dishwasher. Are you fucking serious? I already shit the bed after watching cash for clunkers give the market an unnatural spike in car sales for about a month and a half because people waited for the legislation to pass before buying their new toy - on a side note thank you ever-so-fucking-much for disqualifying my shitty 1997 VW Jetta (I love you Jetta Jameson, don't break down because of my harsh words) from the program because apparently it is better off on the road (technically usually on the side of the road) whereas a 2009 Hummer wasn't - illogical!

Anyway, I'm being discursive. The point is that yet again my money is going towards improving other peoples' homes and lives through the buying of dishwashers, dryers, and fuck only knows what else. On top of this it really pisses me off that when stuff like this is done it's done for the massive voting block called the middle class. The upper classes don't give a rats ass about this because they can afford to buy shit on a whim. The middle class eat this shit up because they have enough put by to take advantage of stuff like this. Us little poor folk who have no savings because we live pay cheque to pay cheque get nothing out of programs like this, in fact in the cash for clunkers deal we didn't even get the possibility of a lot of second hand cars for cheap because they were all scrapped. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a hand out, I enjoy being self-sustainable and budgeting for myself, it's called being responsible, I just hate that when you preach inclusiveness and the merits of an equal society and a fair society and whatever other bullshit rhetoric that is the buzzword of the week to the masses, and then you turnaround and roll out programs like these that go against everything you've just said. Don't you assholes see the hypocrisy?!

I'd now like to address "the man" - "Excuse me, Mr. Man, please stop fucking me. I can barely afford to get by myself, but it is quite disheartening to know that the money I give you, in trust that you will use it to keep me safe from rapers, terrorists, and to educate little fuck-bag kids that aren't mine, is actually going to be used to subsidise Mr. and Mrs. Jones over at number 43 while they remodel their kitchen. Again, I feel the need to reiterate, please please please, stop fucking me. Sincerely yours, The Little Guy."


Pink Floyd -Welcome To The Machine - The best bloopers are here

What's the Point?

Or really more, where do they come from? We're staring down the barrel of a gun currently as our run of form has taken a dive from what looked like an early season slip up to an almost full blown catastrophe. Luckily for us the other teams around us, are, well frankly, shit. To stay up this season may be a case of being less shit than those around you. But where are we going to pick up points from, and what is going to stop me from committing suicide before the season ends? Lets look at the remaining fixtures and allude to what could be...

Key: Must Win No Chance Possible Result

Sat Dec 20: vs. Chelsea
Sat Dec 26: vs. Portsmouth
Mon Dec 28: @ Tottenham

Sat Jan 09: vs. Wolverhampton
Sat Jan 16: @ Aston Villa
Tue Jan 26: @ Portsmouth
Sat Jan 30: vs. Blackburn Rovers

Sat Feb 06: @ Burnley
Tue Feb 09: vs. Birmingham City
Sat Feb 20: vs. Hull City
Sat Feb 27: @ Manchester United

Sat Mar 06: vs. Bolton Wanderers
Sat Mar 13: @ Chelsea
Sat Mar 20: @ Arsenal
Sat Mar 27: vs. Stoke City

Sat Apr 03: @ Everton
Sat Apr 10: vs. Sunderland
Sat Apr 17: @ Liverpool
Sat Apr 24: vs. Wigan Athletic

Sat May 01: @ Fulham
Sun May 09: vs. Manchester City

There are 8 must win games in the selections that I have made, I do not assume all will come true, but every single one of these must be played like it is our cup final for the year. Each of these teams is beatable, and only 2 of the games are away - Portsmouth, and Burnley (if there's ever to winnable away games you'd assume it's those). Winning all of these would almost certainly guarantee our safety with a grand total of 44 points (if we go down on that we beat our old record by 2). All of the blue games must also be seen as games that we get a result from, nick a point or possibly three here or there in these and we'll either offset the red games that we lose/draw, or improve our overall league position. And hell if we gets some points from the pinks too we'll be laughing.

The point I am trying to make is that the season is far from over, but we do need to act fast, at the very least starting at the pompey game (which I'll be at so they better fucking win), and Upton Park has to be a fortress for the rest of the year. So come one and come all, players stick your bloody fingers out, Managers don't be afraid to give them the hairdryer, and supporters let's turn Upton Park back into the fortress of old that it used to be, and make it truly uncomfortable for the away team to play there. No more whinging, let's get down to business.

Grin And Beer It

Thank you Lynn Fucking Sweet for asking the question that has now driven the whole media into a frenzy over the Crowley-Gates ordeal. Thank you for asking a question so off topic that it drives me mad. In the middle of Q&A over health care you have managed to distract an entire nation's worth of media on to possibly one of the most mundane and over-hyped "news events" possibly witnessed. The fact that people are now complaining about what beer the President will drink is all down to you, you bitch, thanks a lot.

My anger is because there is just so much more going on in the world than having to worry about a white cop and a black professor. Was it a legitimate question? Sure, why not, what question isn't? But it was so off topic, and there are so many better examples of poor race relations that you could have pointed to. In fact, on the same day a black ambulance driver was choked out by a white cop because he didn't yield his vehicle to him during an emergency response - you want to talk about race relations in this country? That's probably a more appropriate situation than a well-to-do Harvard professor breaking in to his own house being arrested for refusing to comply with a white policeman. But no, some nobody from the south won't generate media orgasms like a well known Harvard professor and a police officer that gave CPR to the Boston Celtics' Reggie Lewis, will they? Oh God the controversy makes my bowels move.

Well done Obama too, Mr. I don't know all of the facts but I'll take a side. I mean c'mon, the story had barely broken, the police report wasn't even written yet, nor was the accused's testimony out, but using sound judgement that I just plucked from my arsehole I can predict what actually took place. Poor judgement on your behalf sir, should have kept schtum.

I'm not taking a side in this at all, the moral for me is don't be an ass to the police, don't send a racially loaded email to the Boston Globe, and don't assume things are necessarily about race. Either way now we're forced to listen to what beer all these idiots will have to drink at this "beer summit" - for fuck's sake Crowley should order a Guinness and Gates a White Russian, lets all hold hands again.

A Post From A Year Ago I Just Found...Call Me Lazy: From Moscow, With Tough Love

So as I sit here, on a lazy Sunday in Arlington, I think to myself “What should I listen to?” and I just so happen to have a feeling that it should probably be Radiohead – so track one on Kid A gets the green light, and myself and Thom Yorke bond through the medium of song – Everything in its Right Place.

And indeed it seems as though things are returning to their right places, the Ruskis are getting in a bit of a huff and puff over Georgia, maybe they just really like peaches, and the Chinese Olympic cloak has been falling with accusations of faking fireworks (they invented them, surely they should be allowed to fake them if they want to), and lip synching performances unmatched since Milli-Vanilli’s last world tour. So what do we make of all of this?

Well the Chinese, as we all can agree upon, don’t exactly have the most forthright government – did anyone actually expect them to look like angels with no sign of authoritarian coercion in the midst? And so are we really surprised that the fireworks were fake, the girl couldn’t sing, and that some of their gymnasts were given fake documents to make them qualify to compete? Not at all I say, because surely Chairman Mao would have loved to have seen the spectacle on a 62” HD TV, so all is good.

The unfortunate thing, is that while the Chinese government has been funding this Hollywood-esque masquerade, millions of your average citizen are living in extreme poverty. But that’s the problem when communism meets the need for PR, let’s just put a big smile on and pretend everything here is good. In fact, most governments do this, but the fact that communism is all a bit utopian, it seems more cringe worthy. More money was spent on that opening ceremony than what will be put towards education, or even relief efforts, all for the sake of trying to make the west positive on China – I personally would certainly have cast a blind eye on an ever growing list of Human Rights infractions all because one thousand Chinese people can simultaneously bang drums in the dark with glowsticks; don’t know about you.

Drums gives me a nice transition to the “Russian Federation” who seem intent on banging their war drum in Georgia, where the hapless Saakashvili is in all kinds of trouble. Saakashvili, not content with running a semi-successful democracy decided he’d punch above his weight, and decided to test King, Czar, Chairman, Chess-master, whatever Putin by shooting a couple of bullets in South Ossetia – a place that until last week nobody this side of Kiev had ever even heard of before. The result, as we all know, was a very efficient bitch slap by the Ruskis, and a pseudo-world-crisis. “Oh no, what should we do, the commies are back”. Yes they are, but really they were there the whole time, we just decided to ignore them for about the last 15 years, while we all had wet dreams about the fact that Poland and the former Bloc nations were buying our cars (shame really as the aerodynamically challenged Lada was a brilliant little motor) and familiarizing themselves with Microsoft Office.

Russia is back then, and it won’t be too long until Russians begin to be touted as fat men stroking bald cats in James Bond films. This was all on the cards though, Russia has been posturing for the last couple of years. In the last two years alone the RAF has had to scramble jets at least three times off of the northern coast of Scotland to ward away Russian bombers, within the last few months the Russians were playing war games with themselves off of the Iberian peninsula, and we all remember the laughable planting of the Russian flag under the North Pole by their Navy. Yes, their waning world influence, it has been decided, is to be no longer, and now we must all deal with it.

But this is all a result of the Russian psyche, and traditionally always has been. Throughout the years the Russians have always treated world affairs as a game of chess, and in that game they’ve always felt like they’re behind by at least both of their bishops and possibly a rook. The Mongols ran rampant there centuries ago, as too did Napoleon for a little while until he lost his blanket, the Swedes had a crack at them in the Great Northern War, and of course we exploded an atomic bomb on an island off of their coastline around 1945 – the pattern here is that the West is a threat to Russian sovereignty and freedom to drink vodka at will – and this notion has really driven contemporary Russian foreign policy – there goes another rook, lets use Eastern Europe as a buffer zone, oh shit we lost a pawn lets stick some missiles in Cuba, in fact the majority of our pieces are now joining the EU and NATO lets show them what we can do if they step too far out of line by ruffling some feathers in Georgia.

And so the old Russia, that we know and love, is noticed again, making their stock go up, and everyone around the Kremlin is happy again and can pat each other on the back for a job well done.

I do feel a lot of this is our fault, what did we do to Russia in the post-Soviet era? Not much to be honest, but there was certainly a sense of a fallen giant and we all jumped on that bandwagon and treated them as if they had no chance of recovery, and made the best for ourselves while leaving many of them to rot. Very little investment was put in to Russia compared to the other ex-Soviet states, Europe let Poland et al come and sit at the dinner table whilst leaving their Russian neighbour a text message stating that they’d have to take a rain check “something has come up.” America was more focused on countering the EU’s gaining economic strength by hashing together NAFTA just so salmonella tomatoes (climbing up the Eiffel Tower) would be a couple of cents cheaper. It still amazes me that Starbucks, which can be found on almost every street corner in the world and possibly Mars only opened up shop in Moscow last year (mushroom sandwiches and all) – and while much of a stagnant economy can be put on the KGB-led government’s shoulders, you have to wonder why a Russian Marshall plan was never thought of – surely the best thing at the time would have been to clamp down Russian friendship and mutual cooperation – they have a UN veto vote for God’s sake! And whilst it’s all fine and well that Russians now wear Levi’s jeans, and Paul McCartney can make his settlement money back by doing a couple of gigs in Red Square, I feel that we missed out on a big opportunity to change the Russian mindset towards the West. And so now we’re going to have to deal not only with posturing, but Russian action, and yes it could come down to another cold war scenario, with the millions of Russian youth turning their attention from intimidating Gary Kasparov to finally purging the Chechens and letting the world know that Russia has influence and brevity.

Expect the press to have a couple of 10 second sound bites that they’ve taken out of context to prove the latter. Expect Fox to hate Russia, expect CNN to try and defend Russia, and expect no one to say that nobody is righteous in this whole cluster-fuck of a situation, and that in fact we’re all to blame.

Regardless, this scenario will only get increasingly more interesting, the press will make it out as if we’re all going to start throwing rocks at each other, but deals will be cut in smokey rooms and we’ll all go back to the status quo shortly and start hashing up game theory matrices to demonstrate Putin’s options and decide whether or not to invest in LukOil. It may be the status quo of the 80’s but nevertheless, status quo is good, and besides, the Cold War was the safest time in history to live in.

I don’t know if there’s a point to much of what I just said, maybe it is just commentary/opinion. And I’m still listening to Radiohead, and will aptly end now whilst listening to the track No Surprises.

BRICs and Mortar

According to the Times Brazil, Russia, India, and China (BRIC) have just formed an alliance that is based on economical and political policies that will be used to take away total power in the world system from the United States.

The article explains that;

...The first summit of heads of state of the BRIC countries — Brazil, Russia, India and China — ended with a declaration calling for a “multipolar world order”, diplomatic code for a rejection of America’s position as the sole global superpower...

...The declaration also satisfied a key Kremlin demand by calling for a “more diversified international monetary system”. President Medvedev is seeking to break the dominance of the US dollar in financial markets as the world’s leading reserve currency. He favours the establishment of more regional reserve currencies, including the Russian rouble and the Chinese yuan, to prevent economic shocks. Mr Medvedev said: “The existing set of reserve currencies, including the US dollar, have failed to perform their functions."...

Extraordinary, but extremely hard to accomplish, and a little unrealistic. For starters China has billions of US dollars owed to them which they are using as securities for their own currency. The value of the Yuan would plunge with the decline of the value of the dollar.

Brazil is regionally challenged due to it's geographic relativity to the US as well as having the majority of it's neighbours and trading partners being so tied in to the US economy. Plus, where is all that surplus coffee they started making going to go?

Russia is a mess in their "democracy," the Ruble is worth next to nothing, the leadership and high profile businessmen over there consist of mostly ex-KGB warlords and higher-ups from the old guard. This move for them is more about world status than actual effects.

And India is a country whose educated workforce (think phone banks, IT Tech support, debt collection calls) and uneducated workforce (think tea and rice production, clothing and apparel, and now Range Rover) is so tied in to the US/UK economic system that it would be murderous for them to try and change that balance.

Let's not even start talking about Russia's idea of "regional reserve currencies" either...did all of these world leaders forget to bring a map with them to this conference? Hint, and I'll be nice and whisper it, Russia, India, and China are right fucking next to each other, wonder if that could cause a dispute?!

I'm not too sure that I want to go into this too much more as it's all a bit over the top, and I really don't see it hashing out into anything productive. If anything it will increase trade relations between these countries, but as for political and economic dominance it will do very little, and if it does start to make an impact you'll be sure to see either trade barriers/tariffs against these countries rise, and/or a further closening between the US, EU, and British Commonwealth (with or without India on board). I wonder what Orwell would have made of that?!

Hmmn so now I can blog via mobile device eh? Wolves away first game? I hope we stuff em!

Blame The Pool Fan Who Laughed When Di Michele Fell Over For This

I'm angry, and rightfully so, the loss against Liverpool this weekend was one to stirr the emotions. we put in a good display, and pretty much matched them in all parts of the field - the problem every game is that we are playing with 9 men versus 11, the last resort inclusion of Di Michele and Tristan up front for lack of better options is killing us, and I swoon at the thought of a return of Carlton Cole next week.

I sat down the pub on Saturday amongst the throng of Johnny-come-lately Liverpool supporters...ones who had probably not left the States let alone go and see their team play live. I of course was the lone claret and blue wearer and arrived to some sneers at my local. It irks me that the top 4 get such strong support, I can't really blame them, everybody would like their team to be successful, but there's a certain arrogance about just "picking" a team - it never would have worked for me, my team was handed to me, it came with the blood line, it came with deepest lows of regular disappointment, but with the ecstatic highs of when you do pick up that win. It comes with a sense of belonging and community, you walk around any English town and see a West Ham shirt, you can give a nod to that fella, he'll know you're nodding because he's in a Hammers shirt, not because you possibly went to school with him. The same can't be said about many other teams. The top 4 are homogeneous, the same, they're just a badge, a brand, a franchise, these teams could fill 80,000 seat stadiums anywhere in the world - we don't have that sort of pull, nor would I want it. I'm saying all of this because I wasn't impressed by the Pool fans at the pub on Saturday, no sense of fair play, and annoying chants of "Nando, Nando" for the lady-boy Torres - I just want them to feel my pain for once...go a couple of weeks without a win, be involved in a relegation scrap, have an injury list that looks more like your first team selection sheet, have fuck all money to spend on transfers, rely on an academy to bring through youngsters that comprise half of your squad, have problems securing a sponsor because your previous one has gone bust, have a chairman who is 300m quid in debt, just have something that tests the character, and if you think that coming second in the league is that test then you're having a laugh - the fact of the matter is if you follow a top four team you celebrate more wins in one season than about two thirds of the rest of the supporters in this league celebrate in two seasons...I suppose I'm just angry because this lot just took themselves too seriously, and in my eyes if you win the majority of the time but have no humility you are obviously a twat.

Vs. Liverpool

I'm not doing player reports this week, too much to say and not enough time.

Who impressed?
Noble - controlled the game, good passing, positive attitude
Tompkins - Torres rarely got a decent shot off
Green - great PK save, unlucky it rebounded back towards goal, some other excellent saves too

Mediocre?
LBM - had the beating of Skkkrrrtlll all day but lost his head as per usual

Just Bad, downright bad?
Di Michele - no confidence in front of goal, how many sitters has he missed? PS you didn't need to try and round the keeper to score, you could have placed it bottom right, he wasn't the quickest off his line.
Tristan - not a shadow on the player he was years ago. His touch is still there, but he has no pace, poor positioning, and has only scored this season when he has less than 3 steps to take...any more than that and someone's tackled him.


Hmmmn

Rant over, move on, two games left in the season. Fulham's surprise win at Villa was an interesting one, and seems to have put the dampers on any possible European qualification for the Irons, especially if they carry that form forwards. I will however be very pleased if we can relegate Middlesborough on the last day of the season, and put one of the most boring teams in the history of the sport into the dark crevices of The Championship. Spurs too picked up a needed point against Everton, and now we find ourselves 2 places back from the grail of 7th place with Everton and Boro' to play. Everton is a tough one to predict, we should match up fairly well, and they have little left to play for as they are sitting all cushdy in 6th with no one able to catch them up, and of course the unpredictable ability to score 3 goals on us in the course of 10 minutes as demonstrated earlier in the season. This game will however determine our focus going in to the final game, if 7th is still to play for we should come out all guns blazing against Boro. If not we could see a final slide down the rankings with a loss to Boro on the final day...it's never easy to play sides at the bottom this time of year, and if we're not up for it then they could easily do one over on us.

Much to look forward to then, and the last two weeks should be interesting, although anything is more interesting than last year's finish in 10th.

As I was wrapping this up I've just noticed the barcodes have beaten Boro'...thank you West Ham for having a good season, the bottom is terribly close this year, and the last two games will be a dogfight from 13th place down...glad we're nowhere near involved in that!

Christ My Life Is Busy

I suppose your life is busy too, but then again I'm not reading your opinions of West Ham (unless you're on my blogroll on the left), so yes, deal with it. Not that my posts of doubtful pessimism could possibly have been missed by anyone bar Martin Lawrence at the BBC, who's uncanny ability to continuously predict West Ham to lose week in week out would have us in League Two in 3 years. He tops my pessimism.

Anyway I digress.

Since my last post not too much has changed, we're still challenging for Europe, and our injury list is still growing with the recent inclusions of Spector, Collins, Parker, and Kovac (until last weekend). I have a bad feeling that all of the backroom staff are due a good dose of swine flu to boot. Surely though porky Ashton would be more fitting - any excuse to play under 1 season's amount of games in 3 years - I tell ya, you just can't buy good help nowadays.

Let's all pray that the porcine predicament isn't within breathing distance of our simian manager Zola, who has truly done brilliantly with his first year in charge, and absolutetly deserves his new four year contract and a bonus banana. Clarke too deserves credit, especially at the back where his influence is noticeable both at West Ham and at any Chelsea team that is without John Terry. Clarke, no doubt, is our best signing in seasons.

That's all for now people, just a couple of lines to let you know I'm alive (however much I may wish otherwise post Radiohead listenings). Roll on Stoke this weekend, I say we come away 2-1 victors, they have nothing much left to play for sitting fairly comfortable in midtable, they'll be looking for a draw - hopefully we'll be taking the win. Di Michele to miss more than he scores.

I Thought I Was Back

Just as I thought things were going to lighten up a bit, well eer, they didn't. Subsequently I've managed to miss our last two games, which is a shame, because they've nicely provided us with two wins, a great position in the table, and a candidate for goal of the season...




The last game I watched, in fact, was a horrible horrible affair - namely losing to Bolton. As you will presumably agree it was tragic; we outplayed them for 87 of the 90 minutes, and yet again just couldn't finish in the final third - I should be used to this by now.

Anyway, the past is the past, and I can't bear to think of that game anymore so on to our next opponents... West Brom.

Brom haven't won in 8, yes that's 8 games, their last recorded victory was back on the 17th of January against our cup friends Middlesbrough, where they suprisingly managed to score 3 goals and concede none at all! Since then they've let in a massive 17 goals in 6 league games, and registered only 5 goals themselves. No surprise then that they are all but dead at the bottom of the league with a -29 goal difference and only 22 points.

Still though, being a West Ham supporter will always leave you with a bit of doubt lurking in the back of your head, and with the recent inclusion of Collison and Behrami to our WWII sized injury list one can't help but think this fixture has potential to upset (we did lose to them in September remember).

But let's not jump off the hope train yet, Savio has been impressing, and i would be surprised if he doesn't get the nod on Monday to replace Collison on the left, and I see no other option than to put in plumber/electrician/all around utility guy Jonathon Spector at right wing. Personally I wouldn't be opposed to chucking in a kid from the academy, but Spector has done alright when needed, and he does have the experiance to step in and play a good level of football without any training wheels.

I'll be optimistic, probably because I haven't listened to radiohead today, and go for a home win, 2-0, one from each of our strikers.

I'm Back (again)

As tides of change swept through the fair city of Washington DC this last month and a half or so, similar occurences seem to be underway at West Ham. There's a bright sense of optimism amongst us West Ham fans at the moment, and it's almost contagious. The Zola and Clarke system has finally come to fruition with a string of good results, and a very good showing against Man United that was only undone by 97 year veteran Ryan Giggs. Note to all pundits, please stop telling me that Giggs "takes care of himself," the image has stopped me from sleeping.

But yeah, things look on the up. Carlton has been scoring and was subsequently called up to the England squad, Di Michele has been slightly more trust-worthy with the ball (although he's knackered after not having his half time siesta), Neil is on a diet and has opted for throwing pork pies at attacking players in order to put them off instead of casually eating the pies as the likes of Ronaldo flit past him, and Scott "the torso" Parker is playing his best football in years and should be floating around the fringe of the England set up.

All is well, and we're in good stead at this part of the season to
a) not get relegated
b) hopefully finish in the top half
c) finish above Spurs
and
d) have eyes on Europe through the FA Cup


The FA Cup, I think, is probably as big of a priority this year as the league. Obviously we need to secure the points to stay up, but it does look like there are at least 3 teams that are going to perform worse than us, and so I'm quite comfortable we'll all be watching MoTD next year. Our road to the final of the FA Cup however is only three games away, and we already know two of the three opposition - 'Boro and Everton - both very winnable games (in fact Di Michele should have single handedly beaten 'Boro last weekend). After that will almost definitely be one of the powerhouses - Manc U, Chelscum, or Le Arse - but as a one off game we could certainly pull it off, as we could in the cup final. It almost seems like fate to think that in two of our recent visits to the final we had to go through 'Boro in one, and Everton in the other. Here's to hope.


In other events we face Bolton this weekend which in a perfect world will see the silky passing of the West Ham players undermine the Boltoners, but will most likely end up being a rather boring affair that will cause me a lot of spelling mistakes in the post match round up - unless of course they decide to play British players, like they last did in 1989 when they won the Sherpa Van Trophy (it's all true, I swear). On the up side Wanderers, or Journeymen as they should be called, sport an excellent goal difference of -10, and so even our likely combination of Di Michele and Go Diego Go Tristan should be able to muster up at least a couple of near misses.

Our away record of late has been decent, so I'll take a 1-0 win for us from a Collisson thunder strike. Bolton will come away from this one with every single player in their squad still yet to score - or at least that's what Sky Sports thinks...

More after the game, sorry it's been a while, and COYI!!!

You Beauty!

Trolling around YouTube I found this video...if for nothing else watch it for Dicksy's magnificence, and Tim Breaker's impeccable hair! I was at the away fixture for this one, I don't think we did so well that night...but 5 goals at UP is always a treat, enjoy!

Stamford Bridge Is Falling Down?

Our boys produced a brilliant display today to come away from Stanford Bridge with a well deserved point. The London derby had a great pace and tempo about it right from the off, and our boys dug deep and pulled out quite a heroic display that against less formidable opponents would have seen us pick up all three points.

Chelski deserved the lions share of possession, but the gritty performance from every West Ham player ensured that we only gave up one goal, and only one or two truly good opportunities for the home team...and for the first time in I believe 2 months one of our strikers featured on the score sheet...well done Bellars, the effort has been there but sadly the goals haven't - I hope you put together a run of goals from this point.

A mention must go out to Sky Sports commentary again today, if I have to hear for one more season that Wankard and Cole used to play for us I may have to come to your offices with a gun. Also, you're right, our Cole and Parker used to play for Chelsea. Wow we really must be Chelsea's rejects like you were suggesting. Why do you hate us? I just don't get it. Is Tony Cottee shagging all of your wives over there so you take it out on the team? Anytime you'd like to clear that up would be great.

Anyway...

Oh West ham why did I ever doubt you? As soon as I start slagging us off you come around and make me look like a fool. This team causes schizophrenia.


Player Ratings

Greeny - Great display from Rob, lost the ball in the lights once, and maybe could have come off the line quicker for their goal, but really solid everywhere else. He was brilliant at claiming crosses, and made some superb reaction saves yet again today. - 7.5

Neil - Much better, I mean not 100k a week more better or whatever he wants, but better. Dealt well with everything down the right, and actually looked good going forward as well always looking for the open man. - 7

Upson - We really need a song for him just to show our love. Absolutely solid, I don't remember him losing a single battle. My shout for the armband I have to say. - 8

Davenport - I was surprised to see him start, and I'm still not sure where ginge was today, but he did really well, throwing his body at everything on the floor and in the air. Every time he goes after the ball with his head though I have to wince, with his history he certainly is a brave headerer, and always a threat on corners. Witness him here brilliantly going up against John Terry. - 8

Ilunga - Not as much of a threat up the left today, but did his defencive duties well. One outstanding tackle stoping what surely would have been a goal. - 7

Defence Overall: Very good. In the centre we looked quite formidable, and if we can keep their fitness and form up then we can start improving from the back forward. - 8

Collison - Nowhere to be found in the first half, methinks this may because he's more of a central midfielder, but got tucked in in the second half and showed some nice touches. This kid needs to be a regular, and off of today's showing he may be a threat to Faubert. - 7

Noble - Looked like Noble of old, good passing, gritty, and determined. Picked up the assist for Bellars' goal with some great determination and persistence. we need this Noble to show up every week. 7.5

Parker - Bounds of energy, tireless, gritty, keep going. Brilliant. The heart of our team dictating movement through playing people in, and first one back making all the tackles. Inspiring stuff. 8.5

Behrami - He grows on me more and more every time I see him play, his work rate is second to none. He's constantly biting at peoples ankles and looking to turn defence into attack. Another solid performance today, and put through Cole at the end with a good ball in a move that could have seen us take the spoils. 7.5

Midfield Overall: Shut down the shop, really covered Wankard and Cole very well. Their work rate was very impressive, we were quick in to tackle, and passed the ball out well from deep. 8

Bellamy - Took his chance very well, and it was nice to see his continued effort finally pay off for him. The ref today paid him no favours and he was called on several "fouls" - most notably the so-called foul on Terry when he was dead through on goal, but regardless he continued to work and cause trouble. 8

Cole - Was useless in the first half, couldn't keep possession and seemed to be bumbling about. Another one the ref paid no favours too, he was whistled every two minutes for just being a big guy, and harshly picked up a yellow. Second half was much better for him with him coming out of tackles with the ball more often than not. He still needs to know when to pass the ball however, and my God Gianfranco should give him some shooting practice - he missed a great chance at the end. 7

Forwards Overall: Good work rate and good tempo. Bellars' pace troubled Chelski, and in the second half Cole's strength came good. Both were unfairly treated by the ref. 7.5

Subs

Mullins - Came on for Noble, made some good challenges, and was right up to speed from the go. Good showing. 6

LBM - Not good, not bad, touched the ball a maximum of 4 times. -3

Di Michele - Used to run down the clock Zola knows it takes him about 4 minutes to get from the bench to the byline. - n/a



Very happy then with a point, and a good one too, we battled and created some nice chances for ourselves, and were rarely troubled by a stacked Chelski team. Also, just wanted to mention our fans today were excellent and out sang the Chelski lot all day - i particularly enjoyed the one that went something like "Shall we sing a song for you," genius, and just so they knew why we were singing that we followed it up with "your support is fucking shit" - so true.

Next up is Villa which promises to be an entertaining affair. It's a very winnable game, but we will have to put in the effort to grind it out. I think 4 points from the next two games would be a decent goal to set.

I Was In 'Nam, Tottenham That Is

I'm glad that I don't have Setanta, otherwise I would have had to watch West Ham lose to Spurs last Monday. Fortunately for me though I'm poor, and Setanta is expensive, and as an afterthought it may also get taken off of my Christmas wish list due to the fact that we are now so bad that watching us on it will undoubtedly send me into a spiral of massive depression; couple that with my love of alcohol and Radiohead and you can see suicide wouldn't be too far away. Being poor saves my life again.

Seriously though, 2-0, at home, to Spurs, off of the back of 3 clean sheets? Ridiculous. And even though I didn't watch the game I'll take a wild guess that we didn't cross the ball, we looked uninventive going forward, our strikers don't seem like they will ever score, and Collisson yet again doesn't get a run out after looking like our most creative player. Come close to it?!

Uuugh, well looking forward isn't all that great either with Chelsea tomorrow, Villa coming up, and a tough trip away to Portsmouth after that. We could well see ourselves with a terrible goal difference, 0 points picked up, and no confidence left in the team by New Year's. I think I may take a punt on our strikers not scoring until possibly Stoke too.


Anyway...two things made me laugh this week that I'd like to draw your attention to, and both were on KUMB. Firstly, Gianluca Nani has hailed David Di Michele as a "great player" hahahahhahahhahahahhahahahahahahhahaha, that is absolutely hilarious. Di Michele is at best a Championship player who is old, pedestrian, and shows no sign of passion (or life for that matter) whatsoever. Every time he has graced us with his presence I have been flabbergasted at the rate in which he seems to lose the ball. Gianluca, you'd be better off just saying "hands up, I signed him, it hasn't worked out." How stupid do you think we are? All you have to do is to have seen one game this year he's featured in and you can tell he's crap. Even in the game where he scored two goals he didn't impress.

Secondly, Luis Boa Morte is actually confused as to why he is not getting games!!!!! Luis, states "I cannot hide that I would like to play more, I have no idea why I am not played more...Every time the coach played me, I did well on the pitch, which is why I wish I played more often." I laughed so hard at this that my balls hurt. Luis, let me clue you in, you're crap, you give the ball away, never keep things simple, can't shoot as has been witnessed far too many times but notably against Liverpool recently, get booked too much, can't cross, can't take anyone on, and generally just take up space. Your public outcry won't win you any fans either you whining twat...WHU F.C. please offload this idiot in January.



In other news my last poll has closed; the poll asked what number you had as a kid on the back of your West Ham shirt, the results were as follows...
1) Numbers 3, 10, and 11
2) Numbers 1, 4, and 9
3) All others

Thanks for taking part, my own personal vote went to number 3 for good old Dicksy, I used to love him.

Well I hope better news is around the corner, or at the very least LBM keeps making ridiculous public statements, it just puts that Christmas cheer in my heart.

I Should Stop Writing

Sorry for not posting in quite some time, I've been busy, and to be completely overly dramatic let's say "life' got in the way. Anyway my sabbatical has reaped huge benefits for West Ham, so I can't complain. That's now three clean sheets in a row, count them I dare you, three, this is mad. Greeny has been impeccable, Ginge has been an absolute force, and Upson has been his usual rock self. Things are looking up.

So bring on Spurs; it should be an interesting encounter with all of the usual fire that this fixture brings. I personally will be interested to see how H is received back at UP.

Of course no post would be complete without some kind of downer, so here we go......when was the last time one of our strikers scored a goal?
- Carlton Cole vs Bolton, 5 October 2008.

Dear dear.

Zoroastrianism Is More Believable Than What Happened On Saturday

I can't possibly go into detail about Saturday's game; never have I seen us outplay a team so convincingly and lose a game in a massive 4 minutes. All I know is that after we scored the game was calling out for Mullins to bolster the midfield, and we sat back and let Everton come at us instead of retaining possession and closing the game out. We played well for about 75 minutes, and that's all I can really bring myself to say.

Here's some funny animal photos that my Mum sent me...

Craig Bellamy is obviously unhappy at the service that he has been getting. Oftentimes he feels stranded up front, opting to come back to midfield to help with the tackling, and the tracking, and all the un-fun things that strikers don't normally tend to.


Young Freddy Sears has done well, contesting with bigger and more experienced opposition. The boy needs a couple of goals under his belt and I think he'll start to gain enough confidence to push on and cement a starting place for himself.



Here's Lucas Neill burying a few happy meals and pork pies for later. This never used to be necessary, but with Dean Ashton having so much spare time on his hands lately, Neill has had to turn to extreme precautions to secure his staple diet.


Ilunga has been a dominant force down the left, here he is on Saturday knocking the piss out of Louis Boa Morte in order to stop Louis from attempting to play football - best choice he's ever made.


Greeny and Upson are ecstatic that they are still in the England squad even though they haven't managed to keep a clean sheet since the game versus the Academy's under 5's team way back in December.


Witness the Everton offence slowly moving in on the hapless Lucas Neill and Julian Faubert. Largely unseen for 80 minutes because they had been napping, but now fully awake and ready to pounce.


Here's Matthew Etherington in his natural environment in no-mans-land. As you can see Etherington is fully enjoying his new found freedom by bounding endlessly in a baron wasteland of space. Free of responsibility or commitments Etherington is enjoying what John Locke may have called man's state of nature. Locke would have also agreed that Ethers is again deserving of this weeks WHEFT Award.

Obama-nation

This post falls into the "wider world in general" bit in the description of this blog...

Congratulations to President-elect Barack Obama, who yesterday sealed his future in the White House with a monumental victory over the honourable Senator John McCain. Congratulations must also go to Mr. McCain, who not only ran a tough race, but also bowed out gracefully and with a message of the importance of a future of bilateralism in Congress. Both men would have been deserving of the role of President, but I suppose there could be only one winner on the day.

Thank God this is all over though, and now we can get down to business and get back to our lives. I'm so happy that I will be able to turn the telly on and not be barraged with political ads, and news snippets of the two men saying the same thing over and over again. For the last couple of months I have become increasingly frustrated at the so called "news" channels; their impartiality is disgusting, treating opinion as fact and largely feeding people information that they want them to believe. It's sad to think how easily we can become brainwashed, and with the large majority of the population never uttering the question "why?" we all seem to just take what they say as fact. The amount of people that I have come across recently that regurgitate what the major news channels tell them is true was unbelievable to me - and sure these channels are convenient, and sure they are accessible, but if we are unprepared to look at all sources of information or do some of our own research to get the facts then we are just as much to blame for a government/organisation/business' actions as they are. This is dangerous territory, and we all must stand up and take some responsibility. If a population refuses to wane to the agenda of a government/organisation/business, then that group will have to comply to the will of the masses. It is our own decisions and our collective action that forge the path forward, and we shouldn't take for granted how significant a small action like going elsewhere for information is.

Happy Guy Fawkes day all.