1) El Hadji Diouf: I just want to slap him every time I see his face. He's constantly whinging, and always complains when he doesn't get the call to go his way, he huffs and puffs and throws his arms around like a petulant child. He also bears an uncanny resemblance to Casper the Ghost.
2) Frank Lump-o'-lard: Aside from the predictable "he left us then slagged us off" charade, I just feel that he is amazingly overrated. He's crap for England and seems to think he owns a spot in the starting eleven. In the last World Cup I saw him take more shots than any other player and he may have gotten two on target. I remember walking out of the room when it was his turn to take a penalty because I just knew he was going to miss. And all that badge kissing means nothing when the only reason he's still at Chelsea is that they are willing to pay more than anyone else.
3) Ivan "Bozo" Campo: Campo just looks like a clown, I want to give him a big red nose and novelty oversized shoes for him to patrol the right wing with. His footballing ability is average at best, but he just looks like a fucking clown - those aren't flowing locks Ivan, you look like a twat, now get a haircut. If there was a contest between footballers of who could do the best Stephen Hawking impression, it would be between him and Peter Beardsley.
Ok, maybe Beardsley shades it.
4) Christiano Ronaldo: I think everyone outside of Old Trafford feels this way, and after this summer maybe many within OT feel this way too. What an ungrateful whinging twat. He is undoubtedly very talented, and I'd probably respect him, not like but respect him if he didn't fall over every time somebody looks at him the wrong way. Add that onto his public circus act this summer trying to get out of Man U only a year after signing a new contract, and comparing himself to a slave (despicable) and you have the makings of possibly the most idiotic person in football at the moment - topped only by Sepp Blatter who agreed with him! Poor you Christiano, I can certainly draw a logical comparison between being whipped, starved, brutalised, and being made to row across oceans with having to kick a ball around for the minute fee of 120,000 quid a week - dickhead.
5) Gary Neville: Shave that bloody rat-stache Gary, you look like a knob.
Well that was fun, I may have to do this again with footballers from the past. How about you lot, who do you hate and why?