Newcastle At The Fortress

I'm all giddy with joy this weekend, and rightly so as West Ham are enjoying the dizzy heights of 6th place in the league. Zola's come in and won his first proper game in charge with a display that is very encouraging, and Newcastle again prove what a shambles they are indeed - chalk me up for two things I like about that whole scenario. Oh and my my my didn't our North London rivals only manage a draw this weekend too, giving them a staggering two points from five games - Ramos is a footballing genius.


You're Not Banking Anymore

There was a time when Newcastle were good, with the likes of Ginola and Co miraculously guiding the team into Europe and subsequently funding Keegan's obsession with crap perms; but that was years ago in the nineties, and it's about time that Newcastle fans realised this and acknowledged that those days are gone. So seeing us stick three goals past them was brilliant to watch, because making Geordies cry might be the only way for them to change their perspective on just what the status of their club actually is...which is a medium sized club that has no competition for support in its town, or any supporters outside of its town...this, I think you'll find, does not grant you the right to excellence, and your comparable competition are teams like Portsmouth, Hull City, Middlesbrough, Blackburn, Sunderland etc...time to accept this and move on. Oh and "King Kev" aint that much of a good manager, his philosophy in the nineties was "let's sacrifice defence and try to score just one more than them," which was possible when you had players like Ginola and the Stephen Hawking impressionist Peter Beardsley, but with the team you have today that just wouldn't have cut the mustard (or Keegan's hair).

Before I step down from my pulpit I'd like the press to notice the booing coming out of White Hart Lane today...and then please write a 1 page editorial on it about how their fans are fickle. If it would be easier for you please just replace the word "West Ham' with "Tottenham" in one of the 6,000 pieces of hate-print over the last couple of months that have been directed at us. Please entitle the piece "Juande gonna do?"



Cockney Mafia 3 - 1 Barcodes

As much as I'd like to stop shaving and go ape about this win it was somewhat discouraging to know just how bad Newcastle are, it seems to take the gleam off of a comfortable victory, and begs the question of what if we had played a better team, and also who else could we stick three past? I think much of the scoreline was based on Newcastle just being THAT bad, and as for clear cut chances I really didn't see too many for us at all - there were certainly two amazing chances that advocate for the Developmental Dyspraxia Foundation Luis Baaaaaaaaa Morte missed, that if he would have tucked away could have possibly extended him a little favour from the crowd; but since he didn't tuck them away and instead opted to aim for a different goal somewhere else in the world/universe/space-time continuum we all can contend that he is still shit no matter who the manager is. But aside from that and our last two goals I felt much of our build up play was good, but we were merely decent in the final third.

The biggest positive though was the midfield who worked their arses off...lets just skip to the player review...

Greeny: Didn't put a foot wrong, had no chance on the goal, Owen showed his class and bested him. Looked safe on the crosses and answered when called upon. 7

Faubert: One of his best games yet, I like the combo we have on the right hand side. Put in some good crosses, looked to overlap pepperami when possible, and generally just looked solid - don't think I remember him giving the ball away once, always played a simple ball if in trouble. He didn't have the legs to keep up with Duff however. 7.5

Upson: Solid as ever, did what he needed to do, he's all business isn't he?! One waist high header worthy of note that stopped Newcastle in our box. Apart from that wasn't really challenged much. 7

Neil: Mostly solid today, his lack of pace still evident and we'll have to be careful of quick breaks and counter attacks. I wonder if Zola will keep him as captain, especially if there's a possibility he'll be off in January. Oh and Owen skinned him for their goal. 6.5

Um-Bongo: My first time watching him, seems pretty decent. Got up to support Matty quite a bit, and looks to like the quick first time ball when around the opponents box. I have to say he fit in really well for only his second game, fair play to him. 7

Defence Overall
Not terribly challenged, they will be tested coming up though. Luckily we still have a few more weeks until the heavy hitters like Chelski come into the picture, and hopefully that time cushion will help us concentrate on tightening up, as well as adding numbers and competition with hopefully a few injuries coming back. Decent performance I'd say. 7

Behrami: Really impressed me with his tracking back and tackling, which for some reason he seemed to not know how to do when he was at left back. Maybe he feels more comfortable in midfield, and if that's the case then it will be interesting to see how he progresses. Still building that relationship with Faubert, and the pieces seem to be coming together nicely. 7

Parker: Outstanding, and fully deserving of the standing ovation he got when he went off. He tackled well, passed well, didn't lose the ball, and kept looking forwards not backwards. Two dubious shouts for handball against him from the opposition, but everything will look as if you touched the ball with your hands when your legs are that small. 8.5

Noble: My man of the match, his passing was brilliant, he was putting balls everywhere with precision and was really bypassing the whole of Newcastle's midfield with his distribution. 9

Matty: Amazingly energetic, it took me 15 minutes to confirm that he was actually playing on the left wing - he was everywhere. Looked good, delivers a good ball, and if he'd only cut inside once in a while he'd see himself with more assists. 8

Midfield Overall
The best I've seen them this season, with Noble and Parker playing well defined roles, and the wingers proving they can put over a good cross. Always looked threatening. 8.5

Cole: Again his work rate was superb, and just being his size causes defenders problems. You can't question his commitment, and he's playing a very unselfish role. Good man. 8.5

Di Michele: Although he got two goals and an assist I wasn't terribly impressed. Firstly his first goal was lucky more than anything, and his set up for Matty's was potentially a scuffed shot. His second goal he did take well if not aided by Coluccini's barnet obstructing Shay Given's view, but apart from that he was poor for me. He gave the ball away far too much opting to try and use trickery or meditative falling over instead of just laying off a simple ball to surrounding support, and he has something on his top lip that may be a mole or stitches but at first glance really looks like a Hitler 'stache. Can't complain at two goals though (and really should have been three if Boa Morte had the slightest incling that passing the ball square would have left Di Michele with only the friction of grass blades to beat), and it was his first start, well done lad. 7

Strikers Overall
Decent, Cole certainly the better and harder-working of the two, Di Michele needs to keep things simple in a more physical league...I'm sure he'll learn. 8

Subs

Mullins: Average, but that's Hayden. 6.5

Boa Morte: Didn't get booked, didn't sulk, but didn't get his dad to publicly apologise for not wrapping it up all those years ago and then swiftly leave my club yet so I'm still not on his side. Missed two good chances at the end which highlighted his complete incompetence as a footballer...if a surgeon killed two people in five minutes he'd probably look for a different profession. Surely, there are fields that need to be plowed around Aston with Harewood. -4

Sears: His presence lifts the team every time, and although he didn't get much time, he was very active and caused some problems. One move saw him flick an oncoming ball around a defender and spin him like a top - unfortunately he was fouled on the edge of the box, and even more unfortunately Phil Dowd had lost his whistle in one of the linesmens' arses. The kid needs more playing time. 7


The Mark of Zola

Yeah so we did well, and Zola took some solid steps to ensure the backing of the UP faithful. His subs were straight swaps and not defencive in nature, Sears was one of them hinting at the further usage of the academy, and he was gracious in taking over and even offered Curbs some compliments. Very likable guy, very good start, I've almost forgotten who he used to play for already.