Trolling around YouTube I found this video...if for nothing else watch it for Dicksy's magnificence, and Tim Breaker's impeccable hair! I was at the away fixture for this one, I don't think we did so well that night...but 5 goals at UP is always a treat, enjoy!
16 December, 2008
14 December, 2008
Stamford Bridge Is Falling Down?
Our boys produced a brilliant display today to come away from Stanford Bridge with a well deserved point. The London derby had a great pace and tempo about it right from the off, and our boys dug deep and pulled out quite a heroic display that against less formidable opponents would have seen us pick up all three points.
Chelski deserved the lions share of possession, but the gritty performance from every West Ham player ensured that we only gave up one goal, and only one or two truly good opportunities for the home team...and for the first time in I believe 2 months one of our strikers featured on the score sheet...well done Bellars, the effort has been there but sadly the goals haven't - I hope you put together a run of goals from this point.
A mention must go out to Sky Sports commentary again today, if I have to hear for one more season that Wankard and Cole used to play for us I may have to come to your offices with a gun. Also, you're right, our Cole and Parker used to play for Chelsea. Wow we really must be Chelsea's rejects like you were suggesting. Why do you hate us? I just don't get it. Is Tony Cottee shagging all of your wives over there so you take it out on the team? Anytime you'd like to clear that up would be great.
Anyway...
Oh West ham why did I ever doubt you? As soon as I start slagging us off you come around and make me look like a fool. This team causes schizophrenia.
Player Ratings
Greeny - Great display from Rob, lost the ball in the lights once, and maybe could have come off the line quicker for their goal, but really solid everywhere else. He was brilliant at claiming crosses, and made some superb reaction saves yet again today. - 7.5
Neil - Much better, I mean not 100k a week more better or whatever he wants, but better. Dealt well with everything down the right, and actually looked good going forward as well always looking for the open man. - 7
Upson - We really need a song for him just to show our love. Absolutely solid, I don't remember him losing a single battle. My shout for the armband I have to say. - 8
Davenport - I was surprised to see him start, and I'm still not sure where ginge was today, but he did really well, throwing his body at everything on the floor and in the air. Every time he goes after the ball with his head though I have to wince, with his history he certainly is a brave headerer, and always a threat on corners. Witness him here brilliantly going up against John Terry. - 8
Ilunga - Not as much of a threat up the left today, but did his defencive duties well. One outstanding tackle stoping what surely would have been a goal. - 7
Defence Overall: Very good. In the centre we looked quite formidable, and if we can keep their fitness and form up then we can start improving from the back forward. - 8
Collison - Nowhere to be found in the first half, methinks this may because he's more of a central midfielder, but got tucked in in the second half and showed some nice touches. This kid needs to be a regular, and off of today's showing he may be a threat to Faubert. - 7
Noble - Looked like Noble of old, good passing, gritty, and determined. Picked up the assist for Bellars' goal with some great determination and persistence. we need this Noble to show up every week. 7.5
Parker - Bounds of energy, tireless, gritty, keep going. Brilliant. The heart of our team dictating movement through playing people in, and first one back making all the tackles. Inspiring stuff. 8.5
Behrami - He grows on me more and more every time I see him play, his work rate is second to none. He's constantly biting at peoples ankles and looking to turn defence into attack. Another solid performance today, and put through Cole at the end with a good ball in a move that could have seen us take the spoils. 7.5
Midfield Overall: Shut down the shop, really covered Wankard and Cole very well. Their work rate was very impressive, we were quick in to tackle, and passed the ball out well from deep. 8
Bellamy - Took his chance very well, and it was nice to see his continued effort finally pay off for him. The ref today paid him no favours and he was called on several "fouls" - most notably the so-called foul on Terry when he was dead through on goal, but regardless he continued to work and cause trouble. 8
Cole - Was useless in the first half, couldn't keep possession and seemed to be bumbling about. Another one the ref paid no favours too, he was whistled every two minutes for just being a big guy, and harshly picked up a yellow. Second half was much better for him with him coming out of tackles with the ball more often than not. He still needs to know when to pass the ball however, and my God Gianfranco should give him some shooting practice - he missed a great chance at the end. 7
Forwards Overall: Good work rate and good tempo. Bellars' pace troubled Chelski, and in the second half Cole's strength came good. Both were unfairly treated by the ref. 7.5
Subs
Mullins - Came on for Noble, made some good challenges, and was right up to speed from the go. Good showing. 6
LBM - Not good, not bad, touched the ball a maximum of 4 times. -3
Di Michele - Used to run down the clock Zola knows it takes him about 4 minutes to get from the bench to the byline. - n/a
Very happy then with a point, and a good one too, we battled and created some nice chances for ourselves, and were rarely troubled by a stacked Chelski team. Also, just wanted to mention our fans today were excellent and out sang the Chelski lot all day - i particularly enjoyed the one that went something like "Shall we sing a song for you," genius, and just so they knew why we were singing that we followed it up with "your support is fucking shit" - so true.
Next up is Villa which promises to be an entertaining affair. It's a very winnable game, but we will have to put in the effort to grind it out. I think 4 points from the next two games would be a decent goal to set.
Chelski deserved the lions share of possession, but the gritty performance from every West Ham player ensured that we only gave up one goal, and only one or two truly good opportunities for the home team...and for the first time in I believe 2 months one of our strikers featured on the score sheet...well done Bellars, the effort has been there but sadly the goals haven't - I hope you put together a run of goals from this point.
A mention must go out to Sky Sports commentary again today, if I have to hear for one more season that Wankard and Cole used to play for us I may have to come to your offices with a gun. Also, you're right, our Cole and Parker used to play for Chelsea. Wow we really must be Chelsea's rejects like you were suggesting. Why do you hate us? I just don't get it. Is Tony Cottee shagging all of your wives over there so you take it out on the team? Anytime you'd like to clear that up would be great.
Anyway...
Oh West ham why did I ever doubt you? As soon as I start slagging us off you come around and make me look like a fool. This team causes schizophrenia.
Player Ratings
Greeny - Great display from Rob, lost the ball in the lights once, and maybe could have come off the line quicker for their goal, but really solid everywhere else. He was brilliant at claiming crosses, and made some superb reaction saves yet again today. - 7.5
Neil - Much better, I mean not 100k a week more better or whatever he wants, but better. Dealt well with everything down the right, and actually looked good going forward as well always looking for the open man. - 7
Upson - We really need a song for him just to show our love. Absolutely solid, I don't remember him losing a single battle. My shout for the armband I have to say. - 8
Davenport - I was surprised to see him start, and I'm still not sure where ginge was today, but he did really well, throwing his body at everything on the floor and in the air. Every time he goes after the ball with his head though I have to wince, with his history he certainly is a brave headerer, and always a threat on corners. Witness him here brilliantly going up against John Terry. - 8
Ilunga - Not as much of a threat up the left today, but did his defencive duties well. One outstanding tackle stoping what surely would have been a goal. - 7
Defence Overall: Very good. In the centre we looked quite formidable, and if we can keep their fitness and form up then we can start improving from the back forward. - 8
Collison - Nowhere to be found in the first half, methinks this may because he's more of a central midfielder, but got tucked in in the second half and showed some nice touches. This kid needs to be a regular, and off of today's showing he may be a threat to Faubert. - 7
Noble - Looked like Noble of old, good passing, gritty, and determined. Picked up the assist for Bellars' goal with some great determination and persistence. we need this Noble to show up every week. 7.5
Parker - Bounds of energy, tireless, gritty, keep going. Brilliant. The heart of our team dictating movement through playing people in, and first one back making all the tackles. Inspiring stuff. 8.5
Behrami - He grows on me more and more every time I see him play, his work rate is second to none. He's constantly biting at peoples ankles and looking to turn defence into attack. Another solid performance today, and put through Cole at the end with a good ball in a move that could have seen us take the spoils. 7.5
Midfield Overall: Shut down the shop, really covered Wankard and Cole very well. Their work rate was very impressive, we were quick in to tackle, and passed the ball out well from deep. 8
Bellamy - Took his chance very well, and it was nice to see his continued effort finally pay off for him. The ref today paid him no favours and he was called on several "fouls" - most notably the so-called foul on Terry when he was dead through on goal, but regardless he continued to work and cause trouble. 8
Cole - Was useless in the first half, couldn't keep possession and seemed to be bumbling about. Another one the ref paid no favours too, he was whistled every two minutes for just being a big guy, and harshly picked up a yellow. Second half was much better for him with him coming out of tackles with the ball more often than not. He still needs to know when to pass the ball however, and my God Gianfranco should give him some shooting practice - he missed a great chance at the end. 7
Forwards Overall: Good work rate and good tempo. Bellars' pace troubled Chelski, and in the second half Cole's strength came good. Both were unfairly treated by the ref. 7.5
Subs
Mullins - Came on for Noble, made some good challenges, and was right up to speed from the go. Good showing. 6
LBM - Not good, not bad, touched the ball a maximum of 4 times. -3
Di Michele - Used to run down the clock Zola knows it takes him about 4 minutes to get from the bench to the byline. - n/a
Very happy then with a point, and a good one too, we battled and created some nice chances for ourselves, and were rarely troubled by a stacked Chelski team. Also, just wanted to mention our fans today were excellent and out sang the Chelski lot all day - i particularly enjoyed the one that went something like "Shall we sing a song for you," genius, and just so they knew why we were singing that we followed it up with "your support is fucking shit" - so true.
Next up is Villa which promises to be an entertaining affair. It's a very winnable game, but we will have to put in the effort to grind it out. I think 4 points from the next two games would be a decent goal to set.
13 December, 2008
I Was In 'Nam, Tottenham That Is
I'm glad that I don't have Setanta, otherwise I would have had to watch West Ham lose to Spurs last Monday. Fortunately for me though I'm poor, and Setanta is expensive, and as an afterthought it may also get taken off of my Christmas wish list due to the fact that we are now so bad that watching us on it will undoubtedly send me into a spiral of massive depression; couple that with my love of alcohol and Radiohead and you can see suicide wouldn't be too far away. Being poor saves my life again.
Seriously though, 2-0, at home, to Spurs, off of the back of 3 clean sheets? Ridiculous. And even though I didn't watch the game I'll take a wild guess that we didn't cross the ball, we looked uninventive going forward, our strikers don't seem like they will ever score, and Collisson yet again doesn't get a run out after looking like our most creative player. Come close to it?!
Uuugh, well looking forward isn't all that great either with Chelsea tomorrow, Villa coming up, and a tough trip away to Portsmouth after that. We could well see ourselves with a terrible goal difference, 0 points picked up, and no confidence left in the team by New Year's. I think I may take a punt on our strikers not scoring until possibly Stoke too.
Anyway...two things made me laugh this week that I'd like to draw your attention to, and both were on KUMB. Firstly, Gianluca Nani has hailed David Di Michele as a "great player" hahahahhahahhahahahhahahahahahahhahaha, that is absolutely hilarious. Di Michele is at best a Championship player who is old, pedestrian, and shows no sign of passion (or life for that matter) whatsoever. Every time he has graced us with his presence I have been flabbergasted at the rate in which he seems to lose the ball. Gianluca, you'd be better off just saying "hands up, I signed him, it hasn't worked out." How stupid do you think we are? All you have to do is to have seen one game this year he's featured in and you can tell he's crap. Even in the game where he scored two goals he didn't impress.
Secondly, Luis Boa Morte is actually confused as to why he is not getting games!!!!! Luis, states "I cannot hide that I would like to play more, I have no idea why I am not played more...Every time the coach played me, I did well on the pitch, which is why I wish I played more often." I laughed so hard at this that my balls hurt. Luis, let me clue you in, you're crap, you give the ball away, never keep things simple, can't shoot as has been witnessed far too many times but notably against Liverpool recently, get booked too much, can't cross, can't take anyone on, and generally just take up space. Your public outcry won't win you any fans either you whining twat...WHU F.C. please offload this idiot in January.
In other news my last poll has closed; the poll asked what number you had as a kid on the back of your West Ham shirt, the results were as follows...
1) Numbers 3, 10, and 11
2) Numbers 1, 4, and 9
3) All others
Thanks for taking part, my own personal vote went to number 3 for good old Dicksy, I used to love him.
Well I hope better news is around the corner, or at the very least LBM keeps making ridiculous public statements, it just puts that Christmas cheer in my heart.
Seriously though, 2-0, at home, to Spurs, off of the back of 3 clean sheets? Ridiculous. And even though I didn't watch the game I'll take a wild guess that we didn't cross the ball, we looked uninventive going forward, our strikers don't seem like they will ever score, and Collisson yet again doesn't get a run out after looking like our most creative player. Come close to it?!
Uuugh, well looking forward isn't all that great either with Chelsea tomorrow, Villa coming up, and a tough trip away to Portsmouth after that. We could well see ourselves with a terrible goal difference, 0 points picked up, and no confidence left in the team by New Year's. I think I may take a punt on our strikers not scoring until possibly Stoke too.
Anyway...two things made me laugh this week that I'd like to draw your attention to, and both were on KUMB. Firstly, Gianluca Nani has hailed David Di Michele as a "great player" hahahahhahahhahahahhahahahahahahhahaha, that is absolutely hilarious. Di Michele is at best a Championship player who is old, pedestrian, and shows no sign of passion (or life for that matter) whatsoever. Every time he has graced us with his presence I have been flabbergasted at the rate in which he seems to lose the ball. Gianluca, you'd be better off just saying "hands up, I signed him, it hasn't worked out." How stupid do you think we are? All you have to do is to have seen one game this year he's featured in and you can tell he's crap. Even in the game where he scored two goals he didn't impress.
Secondly, Luis Boa Morte is actually confused as to why he is not getting games!!!!! Luis, states "I cannot hide that I would like to play more, I have no idea why I am not played more...Every time the coach played me, I did well on the pitch, which is why I wish I played more often." I laughed so hard at this that my balls hurt. Luis, let me clue you in, you're crap, you give the ball away, never keep things simple, can't shoot as has been witnessed far too many times but notably against Liverpool recently, get booked too much, can't cross, can't take anyone on, and generally just take up space. Your public outcry won't win you any fans either you whining twat...WHU F.C. please offload this idiot in January.
In other news my last poll has closed; the poll asked what number you had as a kid on the back of your West Ham shirt, the results were as follows...
1) Numbers 3, 10, and 11
2) Numbers 1, 4, and 9
3) All others
Thanks for taking part, my own personal vote went to number 3 for good old Dicksy, I used to love him.
Well I hope better news is around the corner, or at the very least LBM keeps making ridiculous public statements, it just puts that Christmas cheer in my heart.
04 December, 2008
I Should Stop Writing
Sorry for not posting in quite some time, I've been busy, and to be completely overly dramatic let's say "life' got in the way. Anyway my sabbatical has reaped huge benefits for West Ham, so I can't complain. That's now three clean sheets in a row, count them I dare you, three, this is mad. Greeny has been impeccable, Ginge has been an absolute force, and Upson has been his usual rock self. Things are looking up.
So bring on Spurs; it should be an interesting encounter with all of the usual fire that this fixture brings. I personally will be interested to see how H is received back at UP.
Of course no post would be complete without some kind of downer, so here we go......when was the last time one of our strikers scored a goal?
- Carlton Cole vs Bolton, 5 October 2008.
Dear dear.
So bring on Spurs; it should be an interesting encounter with all of the usual fire that this fixture brings. I personally will be interested to see how H is received back at UP.
Of course no post would be complete without some kind of downer, so here we go......when was the last time one of our strikers scored a goal?
- Carlton Cole vs Bolton, 5 October 2008.
Dear dear.
10 November, 2008
Zoroastrianism Is More Believable Than What Happened On Saturday
I can't possibly go into detail about Saturday's game; never have I seen us outplay a team so convincingly and lose a game in a massive 4 minutes. All I know is that after we scored the game was calling out for Mullins to bolster the midfield, and we sat back and let Everton come at us instead of retaining possession and closing the game out. We played well for about 75 minutes, and that's all I can really bring myself to say.
Here's some funny animal photos that my Mum sent me...
Craig Bellamy is obviously unhappy at the service that he has been getting. Oftentimes he feels stranded up front, opting to come back to midfield to help with the tackling, and the tracking, and all the un-fun things that strikers don't normally tend to.
Young Freddy Sears has done well, contesting with bigger and more experienced opposition. The boy needs a couple of goals under his belt and I think he'll start to gain enough confidence to push on and cement a starting place for himself.
Here's Lucas Neill burying a few happy meals and pork pies for later. This never used to be necessary, but with Dean Ashton having so much spare time on his hands lately, Neill has had to turn to extreme precautions to secure his staple diet.
Ilunga has been a dominant force down the left, here he is on Saturday knocking the piss out of Louis Boa Morte in order to stop Louis from attempting to play football - best choice he's ever made.
Greeny and Upson are ecstatic that they are still in the England squad even though they haven't managed to keep a clean sheet since the game versus the Academy's under 5's team way back in December.
Witness the Everton offence slowly moving in on the hapless Lucas Neill and Julian Faubert. Largely unseen for 80 minutes because they had been napping, but now fully awake and ready to pounce.
Here's Matthew Etherington in his natural environment in no-mans-land. As you can see Etherington is fully enjoying his new found freedom by bounding endlessly in a baron wasteland of space. Free of responsibility or commitments Etherington is enjoying what John Locke may have called man's state of nature. Locke would have also agreed that Ethers is again deserving of this weeks WHEFT Award.
Here's some funny animal photos that my Mum sent me...
Craig Bellamy is obviously unhappy at the service that he has been getting. Oftentimes he feels stranded up front, opting to come back to midfield to help with the tackling, and the tracking, and all the un-fun things that strikers don't normally tend to.
Young Freddy Sears has done well, contesting with bigger and more experienced opposition. The boy needs a couple of goals under his belt and I think he'll start to gain enough confidence to push on and cement a starting place for himself.
Here's Lucas Neill burying a few happy meals and pork pies for later. This never used to be necessary, but with Dean Ashton having so much spare time on his hands lately, Neill has had to turn to extreme precautions to secure his staple diet.
Ilunga has been a dominant force down the left, here he is on Saturday knocking the piss out of Louis Boa Morte in order to stop Louis from attempting to play football - best choice he's ever made.
Greeny and Upson are ecstatic that they are still in the England squad even though they haven't managed to keep a clean sheet since the game versus the Academy's under 5's team way back in December.
Witness the Everton offence slowly moving in on the hapless Lucas Neill and Julian Faubert. Largely unseen for 80 minutes because they had been napping, but now fully awake and ready to pounce.
Here's Matthew Etherington in his natural environment in no-mans-land. As you can see Etherington is fully enjoying his new found freedom by bounding endlessly in a baron wasteland of space. Free of responsibility or commitments Etherington is enjoying what John Locke may have called man's state of nature. Locke would have also agreed that Ethers is again deserving of this weeks WHEFT Award.
05 November, 2008
Obama-nation
This post falls into the "wider world in general" bit in the description of this blog...
Congratulations to President-elect Barack Obama, who yesterday sealed his future in the White House with a monumental victory over the honourable Senator John McCain. Congratulations must also go to Mr. McCain, who not only ran a tough race, but also bowed out gracefully and with a message of the importance of a future of bilateralism in Congress. Both men would have been deserving of the role of President, but I suppose there could be only one winner on the day.
Thank God this is all over though, and now we can get down to business and get back to our lives. I'm so happy that I will be able to turn the telly on and not be barraged with political ads, and news snippets of the two men saying the same thing over and over again. For the last couple of months I have become increasingly frustrated at the so called "news" channels; their impartiality is disgusting, treating opinion as fact and largely feeding people information that they want them to believe. It's sad to think how easily we can become brainwashed, and with the large majority of the population never uttering the question "why?" we all seem to just take what they say as fact. The amount of people that I have come across recently that regurgitate what the major news channels tell them is true was unbelievable to me - and sure these channels are convenient, and sure they are accessible, but if we are unprepared to look at all sources of information or do some of our own research to get the facts then we are just as much to blame for a government/organisation/business' actions as they are. This is dangerous territory, and we all must stand up and take some responsibility. If a population refuses to wane to the agenda of a government/organisation/business, then that group will have to comply to the will of the masses. It is our own decisions and our collective action that forge the path forward, and we shouldn't take for granted how significant a small action like going elsewhere for information is.
Happy Guy Fawkes day all.
Congratulations to President-elect Barack Obama, who yesterday sealed his future in the White House with a monumental victory over the honourable Senator John McCain. Congratulations must also go to Mr. McCain, who not only ran a tough race, but also bowed out gracefully and with a message of the importance of a future of bilateralism in Congress. Both men would have been deserving of the role of President, but I suppose there could be only one winner on the day.
Thank God this is all over though, and now we can get down to business and get back to our lives. I'm so happy that I will be able to turn the telly on and not be barraged with political ads, and news snippets of the two men saying the same thing over and over again. For the last couple of months I have become increasingly frustrated at the so called "news" channels; their impartiality is disgusting, treating opinion as fact and largely feeding people information that they want them to believe. It's sad to think how easily we can become brainwashed, and with the large majority of the population never uttering the question "why?" we all seem to just take what they say as fact. The amount of people that I have come across recently that regurgitate what the major news channels tell them is true was unbelievable to me - and sure these channels are convenient, and sure they are accessible, but if we are unprepared to look at all sources of information or do some of our own research to get the facts then we are just as much to blame for a government/organisation/business' actions as they are. This is dangerous territory, and we all must stand up and take some responsibility. If a population refuses to wane to the agenda of a government/organisation/business, then that group will have to comply to the will of the masses. It is our own decisions and our collective action that forge the path forward, and we shouldn't take for granted how significant a small action like going elsewhere for information is.
Happy Guy Fawkes day all.
02 November, 2008
What's A Clean Sheet?
I missed this game due to work, but judging by the highlights (here) we played quite well with the youngsters impressing. We're still as likely to keep a clean sheet as a fifteen year old boy with a Playboy and a night light however. Anyway, since I didn't see the game I'll keep shtum.
Our poll on the right for favourite player of the last thirty years has timed out, and the results are as follows...
#1 - Paulo
#2 - Dicksy
#3 - Sir Trev, Phil Parkes
#4 - Everyone else
Paulo topped our poll with 13 votes, with Dicks in second with 6 votes. Sir Trev and Big Phil share the third place spoils with 2 votes, and everyone else registered one vote a piece. I believe these results clearly show that come Tuesday Paolo Di Canio will be named the next President of the United States of America, with Dicks possibly taking a position in his cabinet as Secretary of Defence.
Thank you all for participating, and please vote in the new poll; the fate of the free world is in your hands.
Our poll on the right for favourite player of the last thirty years has timed out, and the results are as follows...
#1 - Paulo
#2 - Dicksy
#3 - Sir Trev, Phil Parkes
#4 - Everyone else
Paulo topped our poll with 13 votes, with Dicks in second with 6 votes. Sir Trev and Big Phil share the third place spoils with 2 votes, and everyone else registered one vote a piece. I believe these results clearly show that come Tuesday Paolo Di Canio will be named the next President of the United States of America, with Dicks possibly taking a position in his cabinet as Secretary of Defence.
Thank you all for participating, and please vote in the new poll; the fate of the free world is in your hands.
29 October, 2008
Man U Manners
The game has been over all of about 5 minutes, and such is my outrage that I feel compelled to write, so please observe the many knee jerk reactions that are to follow.
Firstly let me say R.I.P. to Sky Sports commentary, any journalistic integrity and impartiality that you once may have had has been demolished in an instant by tonight's commentary - I suppose I shouldn't expect too much considering that this is a company owned by the crook Rupert Murdock, and hires the likes of nitwit Andy Gray, and a buffoon such as Chris Kamara. But seriously, how much can one station love Man U? There were constant references to "the big four" every time Man Utd. broke away and you'd think they could do no evil. Whilst we on the other hand were obviously "brittle" and "lacking confidence because of three straight losses on the trot." Had we not have played some of our most determined and courageous football in a long time only three days prior they may have had a point, had we not come out at Old Trafford and try and play a West Ham passing game they may have had a point. But their whole theory of us being a shaky team off of the back of three defeats was completely unfounded, yet they persisted in letting their audience know where they stood on that matter. Well, we're used to negative comments from the media by now so I'll move on.
Us
We put in a decent showing, not as good as the Arsenal game, but Man Utd. had closed us out by the end of the first half. The same problems persist however, as our movement and passing in the final third is nowhere near the level that it should be - a year ago no one would have uttered the words "we missed Carlton Cole", but with out him today we had no front man to aim at besides Bellamy, and were even more reluctant than normal to put the ball into the box from the wing.
Team Analysis
Green: Had no chance on either goal, made some good saves, still without a clean sheet since 1754AD. 6.5
Faubert: Decent going forward but not a right back. He gets caught out of position constantly, and forgets to follow his man off of one-twos far too often. However, he is the only person at the moment willing to cross the ball. 5.5
Upson: Business as usual for Matty. Played well but could have closed down the ball across for the first Ronaldo goal a lot quicker. 6
Ginge: Got absolutely skinned by the ex-spud for United's second goal, but what defender wouldn't? Aside from that pretty solid, and looked amazingly up to pace yet again. Neil may have to eat him or sit on him to get back in side. 6
Ilunga: Really should have tracked Ronaldo's movement better on his second goal but was caught staring at him. Apart from that had a tricky time with my new youngest clown-hair-esque hated player Rafael. Did decent though, and got forward a lot with no help from Etherington in the first half, and and too much interference from Boa Morte in the second half. 6
Behrami: Played ok, was scrappy and got stuck in. His passing could be better though, and as soon as he had won the ball he'd pass it away to opposition. Hope he's not injured. 5.5
Mullins: Always was going to have a tough game playing anchor in a three man midfield against Man U, but did as good as he probably could have. I don't recall him losing the ball, and he made a couple of good tackles. 6.5
Bowyer: Lee has no broken his personal best by going two games without receiving a yellow card, I guess Zola's temperament is rubbing off on someone. His age is showing though, he has very little pace and was caught out a few times by the United midfield. Kept it fairly tight though, and hopefully he's not injured either after jarring his knee. 5.5
Bellamy: Again not being used properly, if you're going to use anyone on the left wing it may as well be Etherington. He can't take people on either; we need to put him at the top of the line and feed the ball in front of him to get the most out of him. Work rate was good though. 5.5
Di Michele: Absolutely rubbish, completely pedestrian, would look more comfortable with a zimmer than a football. He gives the ball away almost every time, he throws an arm up when he loses the ball instead of playing to the whistle, he refused shoot when he had a clear opening, and tries to shoot when he doesn't. Please drop him for Sears who will at least attempt to make runs and gt in good positions. Would be the "Was He Even Fucking There" (WHEFT) award recipient for this game if not for the fact that he was highly noticeable - mainly because about 2 seconds after he received the ball I would be screaming at the TV about the fact that he had lost it yet again. 3
Etherington: Matty is today's WHEFT Award recipient after vanishing somewhere in Old Trafford's infamous Bermuda Triangle region. If you see him please call 888-MISSING, he was last spotted scuffing a shot about 25 yards out from goal. 0.5
Subs
Boa Morte: What a waste of space, never plays the simple ball, and generally just gets in the way. Had a great chance when the ball was lifted over their defence but instead of bringing the ball down and composing himself with the 3 years of time he had, he decided to let the ball hit his foot and mosey into the keeper's arms. -4
Collison: Looked decent and not intimidated by the occasion. Had a decent penalty shout that some refs would have given, was definitely clipped, but may have pushed the ball too far away from him for it to be a legitimate shout. Given time he looks like a good prospect in the Carrick mold. 6
Sears: No service, and when he had the ball his back was to goal. Really needs to start ahead of Di Michele as he can at least get the ball at his feet and not lose it straight away. 4
Uuuuugh
No man of the match or anyone that really stood out on our side then. The lads did well in the fact that they tried to play good football when they could, and we did knock the ball about quite well at times with Faubert overlapping on the right. But we really don't look dangerous going forward, and we're still lacking that invention that we need in the midfield. I'd move Faubert up to right wing, and tuck Behrami (if fit) in the centre of midfield, at least he looks to go forward when he gets the ball. Etherington has to play a more traditional left wing role, or he has to be excluded from the third striker position and someone else (possibly on the right) should replace him. I think Zola's concept of having two strong left footed players up front was good, but it isn't working because Matty is just getting lost out there. Let's give the role to Faubert for a game, or just go back to 4-4-2 with two advancing wingers.
Enough knee jerking for now, maybe more to come if I bring myself to do it, I really just need a 6-0 win.
Firstly let me say R.I.P. to Sky Sports commentary, any journalistic integrity and impartiality that you once may have had has been demolished in an instant by tonight's commentary - I suppose I shouldn't expect too much considering that this is a company owned by the crook Rupert Murdock, and hires the likes of nitwit Andy Gray, and a buffoon such as Chris Kamara. But seriously, how much can one station love Man U? There were constant references to "the big four" every time Man Utd. broke away and you'd think they could do no evil. Whilst we on the other hand were obviously "brittle" and "lacking confidence because of three straight losses on the trot." Had we not have played some of our most determined and courageous football in a long time only three days prior they may have had a point, had we not come out at Old Trafford and try and play a West Ham passing game they may have had a point. But their whole theory of us being a shaky team off of the back of three defeats was completely unfounded, yet they persisted in letting their audience know where they stood on that matter. Well, we're used to negative comments from the media by now so I'll move on.
Us
We put in a decent showing, not as good as the Arsenal game, but Man Utd. had closed us out by the end of the first half. The same problems persist however, as our movement and passing in the final third is nowhere near the level that it should be - a year ago no one would have uttered the words "we missed Carlton Cole", but with out him today we had no front man to aim at besides Bellamy, and were even more reluctant than normal to put the ball into the box from the wing.
Team Analysis
Green: Had no chance on either goal, made some good saves, still without a clean sheet since 1754AD. 6.5
Faubert: Decent going forward but not a right back. He gets caught out of position constantly, and forgets to follow his man off of one-twos far too often. However, he is the only person at the moment willing to cross the ball. 5.5
Upson: Business as usual for Matty. Played well but could have closed down the ball across for the first Ronaldo goal a lot quicker. 6
Ginge: Got absolutely skinned by the ex-spud for United's second goal, but what defender wouldn't? Aside from that pretty solid, and looked amazingly up to pace yet again. Neil may have to eat him or sit on him to get back in side. 6
Ilunga: Really should have tracked Ronaldo's movement better on his second goal but was caught staring at him. Apart from that had a tricky time with my new youngest clown-hair-esque hated player Rafael. Did decent though, and got forward a lot with no help from Etherington in the first half, and and too much interference from Boa Morte in the second half. 6
Behrami: Played ok, was scrappy and got stuck in. His passing could be better though, and as soon as he had won the ball he'd pass it away to opposition. Hope he's not injured. 5.5
Mullins: Always was going to have a tough game playing anchor in a three man midfield against Man U, but did as good as he probably could have. I don't recall him losing the ball, and he made a couple of good tackles. 6.5
Bowyer: Lee has no broken his personal best by going two games without receiving a yellow card, I guess Zola's temperament is rubbing off on someone. His age is showing though, he has very little pace and was caught out a few times by the United midfield. Kept it fairly tight though, and hopefully he's not injured either after jarring his knee. 5.5
Bellamy: Again not being used properly, if you're going to use anyone on the left wing it may as well be Etherington. He can't take people on either; we need to put him at the top of the line and feed the ball in front of him to get the most out of him. Work rate was good though. 5.5
Di Michele: Absolutely rubbish, completely pedestrian, would look more comfortable with a zimmer than a football. He gives the ball away almost every time, he throws an arm up when he loses the ball instead of playing to the whistle, he refused shoot when he had a clear opening, and tries to shoot when he doesn't. Please drop him for Sears who will at least attempt to make runs and gt in good positions. Would be the "Was He Even Fucking There" (WHEFT) award recipient for this game if not for the fact that he was highly noticeable - mainly because about 2 seconds after he received the ball I would be screaming at the TV about the fact that he had lost it yet again. 3
Etherington: Matty is today's WHEFT Award recipient after vanishing somewhere in Old Trafford's infamous Bermuda Triangle region. If you see him please call 888-MISSING, he was last spotted scuffing a shot about 25 yards out from goal. 0.5
Subs
Boa Morte: What a waste of space, never plays the simple ball, and generally just gets in the way. Had a great chance when the ball was lifted over their defence but instead of bringing the ball down and composing himself with the 3 years of time he had, he decided to let the ball hit his foot and mosey into the keeper's arms. -4
Collison: Looked decent and not intimidated by the occasion. Had a decent penalty shout that some refs would have given, was definitely clipped, but may have pushed the ball too far away from him for it to be a legitimate shout. Given time he looks like a good prospect in the Carrick mold. 6
Sears: No service, and when he had the ball his back was to goal. Really needs to start ahead of Di Michele as he can at least get the ball at his feet and not lose it straight away. 4
Uuuuugh
No man of the match or anyone that really stood out on our side then. The lads did well in the fact that they tried to play good football when they could, and we did knock the ball about quite well at times with Faubert overlapping on the right. But we really don't look dangerous going forward, and we're still lacking that invention that we need in the midfield. I'd move Faubert up to right wing, and tuck Behrami (if fit) in the centre of midfield, at least he looks to go forward when he gets the ball. Etherington has to play a more traditional left wing role, or he has to be excluded from the third striker position and someone else (possibly on the right) should replace him. I think Zola's concept of having two strong left footed players up front was good, but it isn't working because Matty is just getting lost out there. Let's give the role to Faubert for a game, or just go back to 4-4-2 with two advancing wingers.
Enough knee jerking for now, maybe more to come if I bring myself to do it, I really just need a 6-0 win.
Gunned Down
Sunday Bloody Sunday
I’m not doing player reviews today, because I thought the whole team did really well. We showed a ton of grit and determination, and I think it should be obvious to all that the game changer was the introduction of Emmanuel Barnyarddoor, and that the loss really was at little to no fault of our boys – they did us proud against an excellent team, and had the objective of the game been to get the ball to hit as many Arsenal players’ hands in the box as possible, then we may well have got something from this one.
“But T.I.C. they played much in the same manner as they did against Hull, and the statistics were probably worse than those demonstrated against Hull”, I hear you say. Yes, but remember my good friends (sorry I’ve been watching McCain speeches for too long), that Arsenal are a team of much greatness and have been in contention for the title for the last decade, Hull certainly have not, unless of course you’re talking about their rugby team or the greatness of William Wilberforce.
So well done boys, I’m proud of you. The passing was very good in most places, and we even looked dangerous at times…Parker’s through-ball to Bellamy alone was enough to make this performance better than the one against Hull.
Lucas Neill's Take Aways
Some things of note from the Arsenal game…
1) Faubert is not a right-back.
2) Collins made the fastest transition from recovery to match fit ever.
3) Di Michele looks 5 years younger than what he is, and moves like he is 52 years older than what he is.
4) Greeny plays better against Arsenal than any other team we face.
5) Ilunga is a legend.
6) Under Zola’s guidance Cole can now touch the ball three times without giving it away, but the fourth touch means it’s as good as gone.
7) Bellamy needs the ball played in front of him (it’s really always been known, but was highlighted here).
8) Bowyer CAN go a whole game without getting a yellow – maybe you just have to talk to him nicely!
9) Zola’s first phase of his reign is seeming to be taken as an experimental stage to see who he likes, as apposed to being a points based approach. There were loads of changes from last week, and Boa Morte even got some time on the pitch to do nothing.
10) I can’t think of a ten, but nine seemed to be a shitty number to leave this on.
Overall
We did well, even if we did lose. Special attention must go to Parker, Green, and Collins, who were obvious stand outs for us, and each had excellent games. Just behind them sees warm praise also go to Upson, Ilunga, and Bellamy, who put in good performances.
On the opposite end Boa Morte gets a -3 on the Boa Morte scale this week, Faubert still retains a 6 after an unfortunate and tricky own goal, Cole gets a 5 for losing the ball on his fourth touch EVERY time, and Di Michele get’s this week’s “Was He Even Fucking There Award” (WHEFT), which due to recent West Ham performances seems to be awarded on almost a weekly basis – so let’s just make it a weekly award so we can bask in it’s glory.
The referee gets an amazing 1 point for several reasons. Firstly, he was crap and dished out way too many cards in a mostly friendly derby, one of which being Cole’s red in the 94th minute (who does that?) for a challenge that was about as hard as a box full of kittens wrapped in cotton wool. Secondly, how many handballs were there in the Arsenal box? And thirdly, in my biased opinion there seemed to be a bias in the call making favouring the Arses, each 50-50 challenge was actually more like a 65-35.
Charge Of The Blight Brigade
Next up is Man U. They’re good and we’ll probably see our points blight continue. If you’re playing the pools I’d go home win.
Joking aside all I’m really looking for is another positive and unafraid performance that we saw against Arsenal. Cole will miss this one due to the red, therefore I’d like to see a Bellamy – Sears combo up front, with us reverting back to 4-4-2 with a midfield of Ethers, Parker, Bowyer, and Behrami (who is luckily back quickly). Collins should retain his place partly because of his excellent performance, but also because Neill is still out due to a virus that he picked up scavenging around the skips at the back of Tescos.
Cram In All The News That You Can With No Tie Ins
H is off to the Lane, I’m disappointed in him to be honest, and feel bad for the Pompey fans who have now seen him fuck off twice - I imagine that to some people that would be double the fun. I am looking forward to watching the circus as half of Pompey make their way to Tottenham in January though…and before you fret don’t worry this won’t mean extra competition, Portsmouth and Spurs will likely just trade places in the table by mid-February.
Maradonna is taking the helm at Argentina, he’s a twat.
Thanks to the good people over at The H-List, I’ve become aware that Dean Ashton has a blog, I suppose you need something to do if you’ve been out of work for two years. See here for Deano’s blog, and see the link on the left hand side for The H-List, definitely my favourite West Ham blog, and always a good read.
I’m not doing player reviews today, because I thought the whole team did really well. We showed a ton of grit and determination, and I think it should be obvious to all that the game changer was the introduction of Emmanuel Barnyarddoor, and that the loss really was at little to no fault of our boys – they did us proud against an excellent team, and had the objective of the game been to get the ball to hit as many Arsenal players’ hands in the box as possible, then we may well have got something from this one.
“But T.I.C. they played much in the same manner as they did against Hull, and the statistics were probably worse than those demonstrated against Hull”, I hear you say. Yes, but remember my good friends (sorry I’ve been watching McCain speeches for too long), that Arsenal are a team of much greatness and have been in contention for the title for the last decade, Hull certainly have not, unless of course you’re talking about their rugby team or the greatness of William Wilberforce.
So well done boys, I’m proud of you. The passing was very good in most places, and we even looked dangerous at times…Parker’s through-ball to Bellamy alone was enough to make this performance better than the one against Hull.
Lucas Neill's Take Aways
Some things of note from the Arsenal game…
1) Faubert is not a right-back.
2) Collins made the fastest transition from recovery to match fit ever.
3) Di Michele looks 5 years younger than what he is, and moves like he is 52 years older than what he is.
4) Greeny plays better against Arsenal than any other team we face.
5) Ilunga is a legend.
6) Under Zola’s guidance Cole can now touch the ball three times without giving it away, but the fourth touch means it’s as good as gone.
7) Bellamy needs the ball played in front of him (it’s really always been known, but was highlighted here).
8) Bowyer CAN go a whole game without getting a yellow – maybe you just have to talk to him nicely!
9) Zola’s first phase of his reign is seeming to be taken as an experimental stage to see who he likes, as apposed to being a points based approach. There were loads of changes from last week, and Boa Morte even got some time on the pitch to do nothing.
10) I can’t think of a ten, but nine seemed to be a shitty number to leave this on.
Overall
We did well, even if we did lose. Special attention must go to Parker, Green, and Collins, who were obvious stand outs for us, and each had excellent games. Just behind them sees warm praise also go to Upson, Ilunga, and Bellamy, who put in good performances.
On the opposite end Boa Morte gets a -3 on the Boa Morte scale this week, Faubert still retains a 6 after an unfortunate and tricky own goal, Cole gets a 5 for losing the ball on his fourth touch EVERY time, and Di Michele get’s this week’s “Was He Even Fucking There Award” (WHEFT), which due to recent West Ham performances seems to be awarded on almost a weekly basis – so let’s just make it a weekly award so we can bask in it’s glory.
The referee gets an amazing 1 point for several reasons. Firstly, he was crap and dished out way too many cards in a mostly friendly derby, one of which being Cole’s red in the 94th minute (who does that?) for a challenge that was about as hard as a box full of kittens wrapped in cotton wool. Secondly, how many handballs were there in the Arsenal box? And thirdly, in my biased opinion there seemed to be a bias in the call making favouring the Arses, each 50-50 challenge was actually more like a 65-35.
Charge Of The Blight Brigade
Next up is Man U. They’re good and we’ll probably see our points blight continue. If you’re playing the pools I’d go home win.
Joking aside all I’m really looking for is another positive and unafraid performance that we saw against Arsenal. Cole will miss this one due to the red, therefore I’d like to see a Bellamy – Sears combo up front, with us reverting back to 4-4-2 with a midfield of Ethers, Parker, Bowyer, and Behrami (who is luckily back quickly). Collins should retain his place partly because of his excellent performance, but also because Neill is still out due to a virus that he picked up scavenging around the skips at the back of Tescos.
Cram In All The News That You Can With No Tie Ins
H is off to the Lane, I’m disappointed in him to be honest, and feel bad for the Pompey fans who have now seen him fuck off twice - I imagine that to some people that would be double the fun. I am looking forward to watching the circus as half of Pompey make their way to Tottenham in January though…and before you fret don’t worry this won’t mean extra competition, Portsmouth and Spurs will likely just trade places in the table by mid-February.
Maradonna is taking the helm at Argentina, he’s a twat.
Thanks to the good people over at The H-List, I’ve become aware that Dean Ashton has a blog, I suppose you need something to do if you’ve been out of work for two years. See here for Deano’s blog, and see the link on the left hand side for The H-List, definitely my favourite West Ham blog, and always a good read.
20 October, 2008
Falling Through The Hull In The Cracks
I've been to Hull, I actually rather liked it with its bevy of Northern birds without Mancunian accents, and I have to say I love going to Yorkshire video shops and renting T'Good, T'Bad, and T'Ugly. Of course I'm wrong with my facts, as my native Hullian uncle will tell thee, but either way Hull was a good laugh, and not too dissimilar from the East End with it's strong roots in the dockyards and industry. I suppose I'm admitting I have a soft spot for Hull, and there's only two games that I've been asking that they don't win...didn't they go and mess that up for me.
Not Much To Say
I can't really bring myself to say too much about this week's game. Over here in the States it was broadcast on Setanta at 10am. I piled on down my local boozer and ordered a nice egg and sausage breakfast. My waitress was pleasant, and had never seen anybody drink enough tea to give themselves heart palpitations after only the first 30 minutes of play - but if she knew more people who support such a frustrating team then this wouldn't have been a first for her. Needless to say my free refills of brew were the biggest plus of this Sunday, and ensured that I stayed up until about 3am as well, relentlessly smacking my head into my bedroom wall hoping that the result that had occurred 15 hours earlier had been some kind of dream, and at some point I would wake up, it would be 9am, and I'd be ready to take my pre-match/breakfast/blog shower.
Anyway, it was not to be, and I didn't wake up in a better, brighter world, but instead I realised I was fully awake in the nightmare that is the life of a West Ham fan. At times West Ham just totally take the piss out of you. A few weeks ago we all sat there bemoaning that Curbs' style of play wasn't the West Ham way; the ball wasn't on the deck, we weren't fluidly knocking it about, and generally our style of play resembled Wimbledon's circa 1743. Sunday though saw a West Ham team, fully energised from Zola's week long lecture on trigonometry, come out and play triangles for about 80 of the 90 minutes of play available. Which would be fine, if you can convert a couple of those diagonal passes into shooting opportunities - which of course we really didn't - compare an 85.5% passing success rate with only 1 shot on target and 8 shots total.
While much of this was due to Hull's deep back line, which really prevented any penetration before the 18 yard box, we must also look at our own ineptitude to produce anything imaginative or clear cut in our whole 90 minutes on the field, or in fact be be able to finish when presented with a semi-decent chance; take Carlton Cole hitting the bar from 5 yards out after beautifully turning a defender (is that possible?), or Matty Etherington hitting the side netting with an open (but slightly tricky) chance, or any of our midfielders looking scared to cross the ball and preferring to knock the ball square. For a second, I actually thought we were Arsenal, always wanting to ignore the obvious choice (ie crossing the ball after skinning a defender by the by-line), for something more frustrating than watching Christian Dailly run the ball out of play for the 2,886,746,987th time.
The fact that Louis Boa Morte seems to have been implanted with a magnet to keep him stuck on the hard cold metal subs benches though is always a victory, and so with an instantly more cheery demeanour let's move on to the player analysis. Please be advised though that all ratings are off of the back of a caffeine induced haze.
Greeny: Claimed well in the air, although not the greatest positioning on the goal allowed. - 6
Faubert: Some decent movement, not as many crosses as normal, and still looks a bit timid at the back letting people get past him a bit too much. - 6
Upson: Didn't get on his man for the goal, wasn't goal-side of him. Apart from that pretty solid. - 5.5
Neill: Obviously jet-lagged after returning from Oz duty as he lost all of his pace and looked unusually slow and sluggish. Just kidding, Neill's cure for avoiding jet-lag is eating his way into a calorie induced coma for those long haul flights ensuring his performances are consistently lacklustre no matter where in the world he is. - 5.5
Um-Bongo: Attack minded again, and even cheekily (though deemed illegally) took the ball from the keeper when he was dropping it to kick and sublimely scissor kicked a lob into the net. He'll be a firm crowd favourite in no time! - 6.5
Defence Overall: Not bad, middle two still look a bit too slow, Faubert still not the fully qualified right back. Illunga however is stamping his mark on left back after another positive performance. Overall still a little shaky at the back, and it will be nice to have some competition for places there after a few more injuries come back - is there any news on that?
Pepperami: Work rate was ok, largely unnoticeable to the caffeinated viewer. - 6
Parker: Not his worst performance by far, but his passing radius didn't break 5 yards. Seems to be opposed to making crop circles like he used to though. - 6
Noble: We need Nobes to be the inventive creator, we desperately need him to play the same way that the press think Fank Wankhard plays with clever passes and crashing runs. He showed some decent glimpses on Sunday but things just didn't want to open up for him. - 6
Etherington: I believe that Zola thinks Matty is West Ham's Gerrard, a player that is magic when not given a defined role. Where the fuck does he play anymore, because I ain't seeing him on the left! That aforementioned chance he missed by the way...on the right hand side of the goal. Matt, your right peg is your weaker one. - 6
Midfield Overall: Good mostly, but no invention or killer edge in the final third. Triangles, triangles, and more triangles.
Cole: Had our best chance when he craftily spun off of a defender in the box and fired so high that the ball struck Jesus in the head. Steady, and as always tried hard, but he's no George Best, except when driving. - 6
Bellamy: I'm happy he started, mainly so that his appearances for West Ham can at least total more than his appearances for Wales whilst he's been at UP, and I don't have to go off on one about that. Bellamy's at his best when the ball is laid in front of him, Hull's back four played too deep for that to really happen, plus he was played between Cole and the midfield. Got involved a lot though, and filled in for Etherington's absence
quite a lot. - 6.5
Strikers Overall: Give credit to Hull, they defended well and we had little to go on, especially with a midfield on the day with the attacking edge of a butter knife.
Subs
Sine: Unnoticeable. - 4
Cosine: Unnoticeable. -4
Tangent: Didn't feature.
Even if frustrating to watch, this is what we subscribe to when we become West ham fans. On a different day, that performance would have produced a 6-0 thumping. I mean we kept the ball for large periods of time, looked mostly confident in our ability, and looking at both team's tactics, you would have thought we were at home. Fair play to Zola as well, he went for it, we ended the game with 4 recognised strikers on the pitch looking for an equaliser.
Magic Juande
I'll leave you now in a way that should make you sleep at night much more comfortably even if West Ham are losing...
My friends, Spurs are devastatingly bad, and it's amazing to watch. 2-1 loss to Stoke City with two sendings off. I love it, I love it, I love it. 2 points from 8 games, did we mishear their fans? Did they mean to say they'd be taking the bottom four by storm? If this continues at least until December, then I've already got my Christmas present, thanks Spurs.
Not Much To Say
I can't really bring myself to say too much about this week's game. Over here in the States it was broadcast on Setanta at 10am. I piled on down my local boozer and ordered a nice egg and sausage breakfast. My waitress was pleasant, and had never seen anybody drink enough tea to give themselves heart palpitations after only the first 30 minutes of play - but if she knew more people who support such a frustrating team then this wouldn't have been a first for her. Needless to say my free refills of brew were the biggest plus of this Sunday, and ensured that I stayed up until about 3am as well, relentlessly smacking my head into my bedroom wall hoping that the result that had occurred 15 hours earlier had been some kind of dream, and at some point I would wake up, it would be 9am, and I'd be ready to take my pre-match/breakfast/blog shower.
Anyway, it was not to be, and I didn't wake up in a better, brighter world, but instead I realised I was fully awake in the nightmare that is the life of a West Ham fan. At times West Ham just totally take the piss out of you. A few weeks ago we all sat there bemoaning that Curbs' style of play wasn't the West Ham way; the ball wasn't on the deck, we weren't fluidly knocking it about, and generally our style of play resembled Wimbledon's circa 1743. Sunday though saw a West Ham team, fully energised from Zola's week long lecture on trigonometry, come out and play triangles for about 80 of the 90 minutes of play available. Which would be fine, if you can convert a couple of those diagonal passes into shooting opportunities - which of course we really didn't - compare an 85.5% passing success rate with only 1 shot on target and 8 shots total.
While much of this was due to Hull's deep back line, which really prevented any penetration before the 18 yard box, we must also look at our own ineptitude to produce anything imaginative or clear cut in our whole 90 minutes on the field, or in fact be be able to finish when presented with a semi-decent chance; take Carlton Cole hitting the bar from 5 yards out after beautifully turning a defender (is that possible?), or Matty Etherington hitting the side netting with an open (but slightly tricky) chance, or any of our midfielders looking scared to cross the ball and preferring to knock the ball square. For a second, I actually thought we were Arsenal, always wanting to ignore the obvious choice (ie crossing the ball after skinning a defender by the by-line), for something more frustrating than watching Christian Dailly run the ball out of play for the 2,886,746,987th time.
The fact that Louis Boa Morte seems to have been implanted with a magnet to keep him stuck on the hard cold metal subs benches though is always a victory, and so with an instantly more cheery demeanour let's move on to the player analysis. Please be advised though that all ratings are off of the back of a caffeine induced haze.
Greeny: Claimed well in the air, although not the greatest positioning on the goal allowed. - 6
Faubert: Some decent movement, not as many crosses as normal, and still looks a bit timid at the back letting people get past him a bit too much. - 6
Upson: Didn't get on his man for the goal, wasn't goal-side of him. Apart from that pretty solid. - 5.5
Neill: Obviously jet-lagged after returning from Oz duty as he lost all of his pace and looked unusually slow and sluggish. Just kidding, Neill's cure for avoiding jet-lag is eating his way into a calorie induced coma for those long haul flights ensuring his performances are consistently lacklustre no matter where in the world he is. - 5.5
Um-Bongo: Attack minded again, and even cheekily (though deemed illegally) took the ball from the keeper when he was dropping it to kick and sublimely scissor kicked a lob into the net. He'll be a firm crowd favourite in no time! - 6.5
Defence Overall: Not bad, middle two still look a bit too slow, Faubert still not the fully qualified right back. Illunga however is stamping his mark on left back after another positive performance. Overall still a little shaky at the back, and it will be nice to have some competition for places there after a few more injuries come back - is there any news on that?
Pepperami: Work rate was ok, largely unnoticeable to the caffeinated viewer. - 6
Parker: Not his worst performance by far, but his passing radius didn't break 5 yards. Seems to be opposed to making crop circles like he used to though. - 6
Noble: We need Nobes to be the inventive creator, we desperately need him to play the same way that the press think Fank Wankhard plays with clever passes and crashing runs. He showed some decent glimpses on Sunday but things just didn't want to open up for him. - 6
Etherington: I believe that Zola thinks Matty is West Ham's Gerrard, a player that is magic when not given a defined role. Where the fuck does he play anymore, because I ain't seeing him on the left! That aforementioned chance he missed by the way...on the right hand side of the goal. Matt, your right peg is your weaker one. - 6
Midfield Overall: Good mostly, but no invention or killer edge in the final third. Triangles, triangles, and more triangles.
Cole: Had our best chance when he craftily spun off of a defender in the box and fired so high that the ball struck Jesus in the head. Steady, and as always tried hard, but he's no George Best, except when driving. - 6
Bellamy: I'm happy he started, mainly so that his appearances for West Ham can at least total more than his appearances for Wales whilst he's been at UP, and I don't have to go off on one about that. Bellamy's at his best when the ball is laid in front of him, Hull's back four played too deep for that to really happen, plus he was played between Cole and the midfield. Got involved a lot though, and filled in for Etherington's absence
Strikers Overall: Give credit to Hull, they defended well and we had little to go on, especially with a midfield on the day with the attacking edge of a butter knife.
Subs
Sine: Unnoticeable. - 4
Cosine: Unnoticeable. -4
Tangent: Didn't feature.
Even if frustrating to watch, this is what we subscribe to when we become West ham fans. On a different day, that performance would have produced a 6-0 thumping. I mean we kept the ball for large periods of time, looked mostly confident in our ability, and looking at both team's tactics, you would have thought we were at home. Fair play to Zola as well, he went for it, we ended the game with 4 recognised strikers on the pitch looking for an equaliser.
Magic Juande
I'll leave you now in a way that should make you sleep at night much more comfortably even if West Ham are losing...
My friends, Spurs are devastatingly bad, and it's amazing to watch. 2-1 loss to Stoke City with two sendings off. I love it, I love it, I love it. 2 points from 8 games, did we mishear their fans? Did they mean to say they'd be taking the bottom four by storm? If this continues at least until December, then I've already got my Christmas present, thanks Spurs.
14 October, 2008
FTSE Dow, Football Up
Now that I've finally got some motivation and I've stopped sobbing about the relentless decline of the Dow Jones (he's an odd Welshman) I've decided to write a bit, so I think I'll start with the England game the other day. We won, which was nice, and in quite convincing fashion (at least in the last 30 minutes). It was also pleasing to see just how shite Ashley Cole is too, and how Chelsea have ruined yet another Englishman. Hyperbole, maybe, but fuck it I really do dislike Chelsea, and it seems quite obvious to me how Wright-Phillips and Glenn Johnson along with others like Sidwell and even our own Scott "the torso" Parker have been held back at international level by not getting enough playing time at home. Is there any doubt that no England player selected should ever ever ever ever ever be someone on a club team's bench. The only exception I can fathom is when Owen was at Real Madrid and knocking in more goals per minute on the pitch than Ronaldo and Raul. Anyway yeah Cole was pants, not just for the back pass but 3 of the Kazak's best chances were all due to his bad positioning or error in tackling; at times he left the defence as wide open as Cheryl Tweedy's legs.
The game also saw the reintroduction of Steve Gerrard and Frank Wankhard together in the midfield which was particularly interesting after Wankhard's comments to the press a few days before the game saying that he and Gerrard haven't played well together. The two hardly set the world alight with their display, and against better opposition may have been exposed more. Wankhard did enough by passing quite well and staying away from the Kazak's pie-eating contest by the dug-out, Gerrard tried to do too much and lost out a number of times by trying to force things along - he is possibly sensing his place slipping after being out through injury. So everybody will now go back and start picking sides again, which one is better blah blah blah, I'm going with Gerrard and don't feel like saying why, so there.
Heskey returned to the fray, and I quite predictably shit myself upon announcement that he would be starting. Fair play to him he gets on with everything he's told to do except score goals - he has a staggering 5 goals from 47 appearances, of which only two were in non-friendly games, of which one was in the 5-1 drubbing of Germany - and in that game my Nan got a goal, which you should recall was wiped out when FIFA found her Irish passport and questioned her ability to represent England. She had argued that she thought Germany were letting in goals "for a laugh" that day, but FIFA were having none of it.
My rather drawn out point is what the fuck is Emile Heskey doing in an England shirt? I don't question his commitment, but there has to be someone better out there to partner Rooney. Heskey has scored once this season, and that was against newly promoted Hull City (Christ I hope I haven't jinxed this Sunday), even Carlton Cole has done better than that, in fact he's done better than that in the last two games he's played. Defoe, Davies, Owen, Agbonglahor, and Cole all have more goals than he does this season, and all of them have at least equalled (if not surpassed) his massive contribution of 3 goals for his club last year - his selection is pure insanity and makes no sense to me, the only person I see him assisting (if that's your argument) is Owen, but Rooney isn't a "knock it down for me" player, he's not a poacher, he's a craft and graft talisman. Capello, if this blog is your required reading in your English language college class, please please please stop selecting Heskey in your squad; both he and David James are hardly the future of English football.
On a brighter note Matty Upson got a full 90 minutes and played really well. He was solid at the back sticking in a couple of tackles, and if I remember correctly he distracted the keeper for Rio's goal, and was within two touches of the ball in two of the other goals. Well done to "the rock," his display was encouraging for Capello I'm sure, and in my biased mind he proved he is worth an appearance if not a start in the next international fixutre.
Overall I thought it was a decent performance from England, and the amount of goals you'd expect against a team of Kazakhstan's calibre. But fair play to the Kazaks, they came to Wembley and did well against a far superior team, took to the pitch without a single mention of Borat, and did their country proud by putting in a steely performance only to be outdone by fitness levels and amount of possession. And at the end of the day I bet their team know where our country is and can probably name our capital, bet our players can't do the same for them - minus the genius that is Robert Green, I mean he probably runs a shelter over there or something, you know how he is.
The game also saw the reintroduction of Steve Gerrard and Frank Wankhard together in the midfield which was particularly interesting after Wankhard's comments to the press a few days before the game saying that he and Gerrard haven't played well together. The two hardly set the world alight with their display, and against better opposition may have been exposed more. Wankhard did enough by passing quite well and staying away from the Kazak's pie-eating contest by the dug-out, Gerrard tried to do too much and lost out a number of times by trying to force things along - he is possibly sensing his place slipping after being out through injury. So everybody will now go back and start picking sides again, which one is better blah blah blah, I'm going with Gerrard and don't feel like saying why, so there.
Heskey returned to the fray, and I quite predictably shit myself upon announcement that he would be starting. Fair play to him he gets on with everything he's told to do except score goals - he has a staggering 5 goals from 47 appearances, of which only two were in non-friendly games, of which one was in the 5-1 drubbing of Germany - and in that game my Nan got a goal, which you should recall was wiped out when FIFA found her Irish passport and questioned her ability to represent England. She had argued that she thought Germany were letting in goals "for a laugh" that day, but FIFA were having none of it.
My rather drawn out point is what the fuck is Emile Heskey doing in an England shirt? I don't question his commitment, but there has to be someone better out there to partner Rooney. Heskey has scored once this season, and that was against newly promoted Hull City (Christ I hope I haven't jinxed this Sunday), even Carlton Cole has done better than that, in fact he's done better than that in the last two games he's played. Defoe, Davies, Owen, Agbonglahor, and Cole all have more goals than he does this season, and all of them have at least equalled (if not surpassed) his massive contribution of 3 goals for his club last year - his selection is pure insanity and makes no sense to me, the only person I see him assisting (if that's your argument) is Owen, but Rooney isn't a "knock it down for me" player, he's not a poacher, he's a craft and graft talisman. Capello, if this blog is your required reading in your English language college class, please please please stop selecting Heskey in your squad; both he and David James are hardly the future of English football.
On a brighter note Matty Upson got a full 90 minutes and played really well. He was solid at the back sticking in a couple of tackles, and if I remember correctly he distracted the keeper for Rio's goal, and was within two touches of the ball in two of the other goals. Well done to "the rock," his display was encouraging for Capello I'm sure, and in my biased mind he proved he is worth an appearance if not a start in the next international fixutre.
Overall I thought it was a decent performance from England, and the amount of goals you'd expect against a team of Kazakhstan's calibre. But fair play to the Kazaks, they came to Wembley and did well against a far superior team, took to the pitch without a single mention of Borat, and did their country proud by putting in a steely performance only to be outdone by fitness levels and amount of possession. And at the end of the day I bet their team know where our country is and can probably name our capital, bet our players can't do the same for them - minus the genius that is Robert Green, I mean he probably runs a shelter over there or something, you know how he is.
07 October, 2008
The Boy Is Back In Town
I've been away for a bit and unable to write, so I apologise. Took a bit of a tour, and managed to cram in a gig by The Rumble Strips, who I highly recommend watching, good live act, and all very chatty after the show.
So there's just so much to catch up with that I just can't be arsed to do it now; in the mean time please check out The Turning on the new Oasis album - excellent track (even if it rounds out with a riff blatantly taken from The Beatles' "Dear Prudence") - enjoy!
So there's just so much to catch up with that I just can't be arsed to do it now; in the mean time please check out The Turning on the new Oasis album - excellent track (even if it rounds out with a riff blatantly taken from The Beatles' "Dear Prudence") - enjoy!
24 September, 2008
Hypothetically Speaking...
I just simply can't go into this whole thing with Sheffield United, I think the whole thing is a shambles, do they need money because Uri Geller made a surprise appearance in their town?
Who knows but here's a few points I feel that I have to make...
1) We were fined a record 5.5m for Tevezgate - we paid.
2) We were asked to negate the original contract with MSI and draw up new terms to ensure that there would be no possibility of 3rd party influence - we complied.
3) The recent ruling is based on a hypothetical situation that only takes Tevez's goals/performances of the end of the season into consideration. It doesn't acknowledge Green's excellent goalkeeping, Neil's excellent defending, Zamora's goals (who finished our top goal scorer that year, and every other player that stepped out in our colours that season. Furthermore it doesn't acknowledge that Tevez didn't score for us for 19 games (and when he finally did we still lost!) - if we're ruling using hypotheticals then surely we can argue that his start of season was a hindrance to West Ham thus negating his end of season performances.
4) Sheffield United are guilty of the same infraction with Kabba - except third party influence in their case was actually acted upon when Kabba was dropped for the Watford vs Sheff Utd. game. Although there was a clause in Tevez's contract allowing him to be sold at MSI's will, the clause was never enacted. Surely, Sheffield United owe the Premier League 5.5 million in back payments? (As do Man Utd. for not allowing Howard to play in the Everton vs Man Utd. Game.)
5) This whole thing has gotten completely out of hand, and if Sheffield United want to sue anyone it should be the Premier League. We complied with their rulings, and we managed to stay up legitimately. The paperwork to bring Tevez over may have been botched, but that should have been picked up by the PL staff in the first place on deadline day. I know 5.5m may not be harsh enough for fans of other clubs, but that's not a figure that we came up with (neither is it not substantial though considering it was record breaking). And we didn't come out with the recommendations to bring Tevez back in to compliance...that again was the PL. So as far as I can see we were guilty of botched paperwork and a bad deal, but from that point on we have honoured every request that has been sent our way - including to nominate a member to the panel that just reached this last decision.
There's a good article in the Times today that makes some very good points...have a butcher's
Who knows but here's a few points I feel that I have to make...
1) We were fined a record 5.5m for Tevezgate - we paid.
2) We were asked to negate the original contract with MSI and draw up new terms to ensure that there would be no possibility of 3rd party influence - we complied.
3) The recent ruling is based on a hypothetical situation that only takes Tevez's goals/performances of the end of the season into consideration. It doesn't acknowledge Green's excellent goalkeeping, Neil's excellent defending, Zamora's goals (who finished our top goal scorer that year, and every other player that stepped out in our colours that season. Furthermore it doesn't acknowledge that Tevez didn't score for us for 19 games (and when he finally did we still lost!) - if we're ruling using hypotheticals then surely we can argue that his start of season was a hindrance to West Ham thus negating his end of season performances.
4) Sheffield United are guilty of the same infraction with Kabba - except third party influence in their case was actually acted upon when Kabba was dropped for the Watford vs Sheff Utd. game. Although there was a clause in Tevez's contract allowing him to be sold at MSI's will, the clause was never enacted. Surely, Sheffield United owe the Premier League 5.5 million in back payments? (As do Man Utd. for not allowing Howard to play in the Everton vs Man Utd. Game.)
5) This whole thing has gotten completely out of hand, and if Sheffield United want to sue anyone it should be the Premier League. We complied with their rulings, and we managed to stay up legitimately. The paperwork to bring Tevez over may have been botched, but that should have been picked up by the PL staff in the first place on deadline day. I know 5.5m may not be harsh enough for fans of other clubs, but that's not a figure that we came up with (neither is it not substantial though considering it was record breaking). And we didn't come out with the recommendations to bring Tevez back in to compliance...that again was the PL. So as far as I can see we were guilty of botched paperwork and a bad deal, but from that point on we have honoured every request that has been sent our way - including to nominate a member to the panel that just reached this last decision.
There's a good article in the Times today that makes some very good points...have a butcher's
21 September, 2008
Newcastle At The Fortress
I'm all giddy with joy this weekend, and rightly so as West Ham are enjoying the dizzy heights of 6th place in the league. Zola's come in and won his first proper game in charge with a display that is very encouraging, and Newcastle again prove what a shambles they are indeed - chalk me up for two things I like about that whole scenario. Oh and my my my didn't our North London rivals only manage a draw this weekend too, giving them a staggering two points from five games - Ramos is a footballing genius.
You're Not Banking Anymore
There was a time when Newcastle were good, with the likes of Ginola and Co miraculously guiding the team into Europe and subsequently funding Keegan's obsession with crap perms; but that was years ago in the nineties, and it's about time that Newcastle fans realised this and acknowledged that those days are gone. So seeing us stick three goals past them was brilliant to watch, because making Geordies cry might be the only way for them to change their perspective on just what the status of their club actually is...which is a medium sized club that has no competition for support in its town, or any supporters outside of its town...this, I think you'll find, does not grant you the right to excellence, and your comparable competition are teams like Portsmouth, Hull City, Middlesbrough, Blackburn, Sunderland etc...time to accept this and move on. Oh and "King Kev" aint that much of a good manager, his philosophy in the nineties was "let's sacrifice defence and try to score just one more than them," which was possible when you had players like Ginola and the Stephen Hawking impressionist Peter Beardsley, but with the team you have today that just wouldn't have cut the mustard (or Keegan's hair).
Before I step down from my pulpit I'd like the press to notice the booing coming out of White Hart Lane today...and then please write a 1 page editorial on it about how their fans are fickle. If it would be easier for you please just replace the word "West Ham' with "Tottenham" in one of the 6,000 pieces of hate-print over the last couple of months that have been directed at us. Please entitle the piece "Juande gonna do?"
Cockney Mafia 3 - 1 Barcodes
As much as I'd like to stop shaving and go ape about this win it was somewhat discouraging to know just how bad Newcastle are, it seems to take the gleam off of a comfortable victory, and begs the question of what if we had played a better team, and also who else could we stick three past? I think much of the scoreline was based on Newcastle just being THAT bad, and as for clear cut chances I really didn't see too many for us at all - there were certainly two amazing chances that advocate for the Developmental Dyspraxia Foundation Luis Baaaaaaaaa Morte missed, that if he would have tucked away could have possibly extended him a little favour from the crowd; but since he didn't tuck them away and instead opted to aim for a different goal somewhere else in the world/universe/space-time continuum we all can contend that he is still shit no matter who the manager is. But aside from that and our last two goals I felt much of our build up play was good, but we were merely decent in the final third.
The biggest positive though was the midfield who worked their arses off...lets just skip to the player review...
Greeny: Didn't put a foot wrong, had no chance on the goal, Owen showed his class and bested him. Looked safe on the crosses and answered when called upon. 7
Faubert: One of his best games yet, I like the combo we have on the right hand side. Put in some good crosses, looked to overlap pepperami when possible, and generally just looked solid - don't think I remember him giving the ball away once, always played a simple ball if in trouble. He didn't have the legs to keep up with Duff however. 7.5
Upson: Solid as ever, did what he needed to do, he's all business isn't he?! One waist high header worthy of note that stopped Newcastle in our box. Apart from that wasn't really challenged much. 7
Neil: Mostly solid today, his lack of pace still evident and we'll have to be careful of quick breaks and counter attacks. I wonder if Zola will keep him as captain, especially if there's a possibility he'll be off in January. Oh and Owen skinned him for their goal. 6.5
Um-Bongo: My first time watching him, seems pretty decent. Got up to support Matty quite a bit, and looks to like the quick first time ball when around the opponents box. I have to say he fit in really well for only his second game, fair play to him. 7
Defence Overall
Not terribly challenged, they will be tested coming up though. Luckily we still have a few more weeks until the heavy hitters like Chelski come into the picture, and hopefully that time cushion will help us concentrate on tightening up, as well as adding numbers and competition with hopefully a few injuries coming back. Decent performance I'd say. 7
Behrami: Really impressed me with his tracking back and tackling, which for some reason he seemed to not know how to do when he was at left back. Maybe he feels more comfortable in midfield, and if that's the case then it will be interesting to see how he progresses. Still building that relationship with Faubert, and the pieces seem to be coming together nicely. 7
Parker: Outstanding, and fully deserving of the standing ovation he got when he went off. He tackled well, passed well, didn't lose the ball, and kept looking forwards not backwards. Two dubious shouts for handball against him from the opposition, but everything will look as if you touched the ball with your hands when your legs are that small. 8.5
Noble: My man of the match, his passing was brilliant, he was putting balls everywhere with precision and was really bypassing the whole of Newcastle's midfield with his distribution. 9
Matty: Amazingly energetic, it took me 15 minutes to confirm that he was actually playing on the left wing - he was everywhere. Looked good, delivers a good ball, and if he'd only cut inside once in a while he'd see himself with more assists. 8
Midfield Overall
The best I've seen them this season, with Noble and Parker playing well defined roles, and the wingers proving they can put over a good cross. Always looked threatening. 8.5
Cole: Again his work rate was superb, and just being his size causes defenders problems. You can't question his commitment, and he's playing a very unselfish role. Good man. 8.5
Di Michele: Although he got two goals and an assist I wasn't terribly impressed. Firstly his first goal was lucky more than anything, and his set up for Matty's was potentially a scuffed shot. His second goal he did take well if not aided by Coluccini's barnet obstructing Shay Given's view, but apart from that he was poor for me. He gave the ball away far too much opting to try and use trickery or meditative falling over instead of just laying off a simple ball to surrounding support, and he has something on his top lip that may be a mole or stitches but at first glance really looks like a Hitler 'stache. Can't complain at two goals though (and really should have been three if Boa Morte had the slightest incling that passing the ball square would have left Di Michele with only the friction of grass blades to beat), and it was his first start, well done lad. 7
Strikers Overall
Decent, Cole certainly the better and harder-working of the two, Di Michele needs to keep things simple in a more physical league...I'm sure he'll learn. 8
Subs
Mullins: Average, but that's Hayden. 6.5
Boa Morte: Didn't get booked, didn't sulk, but didn't get his dad to publicly apologise for not wrapping it up all those years ago and then swiftly leave my club yet so I'm still not on his side. Missed two good chances at the end which highlighted his complete incompetence as a footballer...if a surgeon killed two people in five minutes he'd probably look for a different profession. Surely, there are fields that need to be plowed around Aston with Harewood. -4
Sears: His presence lifts the team every time, and although he didn't get much time, he was very active and caused some problems. One move saw him flick an oncoming ball around a defender and spin him like a top - unfortunately he was fouled on the edge of the box, and even more unfortunately Phil Dowd had lost his whistle in one of the linesmens' arses. The kid needs more playing time. 7
The Mark of Zola
Yeah so we did well, and Zola took some solid steps to ensure the backing of the UP faithful. His subs were straight swaps and not defencive in nature, Sears was one of them hinting at the further usage of the academy, and he was gracious in taking over and even offered Curbs some compliments. Very likable guy, very good start, I've almost forgotten who he used to play for already.
You're Not Banking Anymore
There was a time when Newcastle were good, with the likes of Ginola and Co miraculously guiding the team into Europe and subsequently funding Keegan's obsession with crap perms; but that was years ago in the nineties, and it's about time that Newcastle fans realised this and acknowledged that those days are gone. So seeing us stick three goals past them was brilliant to watch, because making Geordies cry might be the only way for them to change their perspective on just what the status of their club actually is...which is a medium sized club that has no competition for support in its town, or any supporters outside of its town...this, I think you'll find, does not grant you the right to excellence, and your comparable competition are teams like Portsmouth, Hull City, Middlesbrough, Blackburn, Sunderland etc...time to accept this and move on. Oh and "King Kev" aint that much of a good manager, his philosophy in the nineties was "let's sacrifice defence and try to score just one more than them," which was possible when you had players like Ginola and the Stephen Hawking impressionist Peter Beardsley, but with the team you have today that just wouldn't have cut the mustard (or Keegan's hair).
Before I step down from my pulpit I'd like the press to notice the booing coming out of White Hart Lane today...and then please write a 1 page editorial on it about how their fans are fickle. If it would be easier for you please just replace the word "West Ham' with "Tottenham" in one of the 6,000 pieces of hate-print over the last couple of months that have been directed at us. Please entitle the piece "Juande gonna do?"
Cockney Mafia 3 - 1 Barcodes
As much as I'd like to stop shaving and go ape about this win it was somewhat discouraging to know just how bad Newcastle are, it seems to take the gleam off of a comfortable victory, and begs the question of what if we had played a better team, and also who else could we stick three past? I think much of the scoreline was based on Newcastle just being THAT bad, and as for clear cut chances I really didn't see too many for us at all - there were certainly two amazing chances that advocate for the Developmental Dyspraxia Foundation Luis Baaaaaaaaa Morte missed, that if he would have tucked away could have possibly extended him a little favour from the crowd; but since he didn't tuck them away and instead opted to aim for a different goal somewhere else in the world/universe/space-time continuum we all can contend that he is still shit no matter who the manager is. But aside from that and our last two goals I felt much of our build up play was good, but we were merely decent in the final third.
The biggest positive though was the midfield who worked their arses off...lets just skip to the player review...
Greeny: Didn't put a foot wrong, had no chance on the goal, Owen showed his class and bested him. Looked safe on the crosses and answered when called upon. 7
Faubert: One of his best games yet, I like the combo we have on the right hand side. Put in some good crosses, looked to overlap pepperami when possible, and generally just looked solid - don't think I remember him giving the ball away once, always played a simple ball if in trouble. He didn't have the legs to keep up with Duff however. 7.5
Upson: Solid as ever, did what he needed to do, he's all business isn't he?! One waist high header worthy of note that stopped Newcastle in our box. Apart from that wasn't really challenged much. 7
Neil: Mostly solid today, his lack of pace still evident and we'll have to be careful of quick breaks and counter attacks. I wonder if Zola will keep him as captain, especially if there's a possibility he'll be off in January. Oh and Owen skinned him for their goal. 6.5
Um-Bongo: My first time watching him, seems pretty decent. Got up to support Matty quite a bit, and looks to like the quick first time ball when around the opponents box. I have to say he fit in really well for only his second game, fair play to him. 7
Defence Overall
Not terribly challenged, they will be tested coming up though. Luckily we still have a few more weeks until the heavy hitters like Chelski come into the picture, and hopefully that time cushion will help us concentrate on tightening up, as well as adding numbers and competition with hopefully a few injuries coming back. Decent performance I'd say. 7
Behrami: Really impressed me with his tracking back and tackling, which for some reason he seemed to not know how to do when he was at left back. Maybe he feels more comfortable in midfield, and if that's the case then it will be interesting to see how he progresses. Still building that relationship with Faubert, and the pieces seem to be coming together nicely. 7
Parker: Outstanding, and fully deserving of the standing ovation he got when he went off. He tackled well, passed well, didn't lose the ball, and kept looking forwards not backwards. Two dubious shouts for handball against him from the opposition, but everything will look as if you touched the ball with your hands when your legs are that small. 8.5
Noble: My man of the match, his passing was brilliant, he was putting balls everywhere with precision and was really bypassing the whole of Newcastle's midfield with his distribution. 9
Matty: Amazingly energetic, it took me 15 minutes to confirm that he was actually playing on the left wing - he was everywhere. Looked good, delivers a good ball, and if he'd only cut inside once in a while he'd see himself with more assists. 8
Midfield Overall
The best I've seen them this season, with Noble and Parker playing well defined roles, and the wingers proving they can put over a good cross. Always looked threatening. 8.5
Cole: Again his work rate was superb, and just being his size causes defenders problems. You can't question his commitment, and he's playing a very unselfish role. Good man. 8.5
Di Michele: Although he got two goals and an assist I wasn't terribly impressed. Firstly his first goal was lucky more than anything, and his set up for Matty's was potentially a scuffed shot. His second goal he did take well if not aided by Coluccini's barnet obstructing Shay Given's view, but apart from that he was poor for me. He gave the ball away far too much opting to try and use trickery or meditative falling over instead of just laying off a simple ball to surrounding support, and he has something on his top lip that may be a mole or stitches but at first glance really looks like a Hitler 'stache. Can't complain at two goals though (and really should have been three if Boa Morte had the slightest incling that passing the ball square would have left Di Michele with only the friction of grass blades to beat), and it was his first start, well done lad. 7
Strikers Overall
Decent, Cole certainly the better and harder-working of the two, Di Michele needs to keep things simple in a more physical league...I'm sure he'll learn. 8
Subs
Mullins: Average, but that's Hayden. 6.5
Boa Morte: Didn't get booked, didn't sulk, but didn't get his dad to publicly apologise for not wrapping it up all those years ago and then swiftly leave my club yet so I'm still not on his side. Missed two good chances at the end which highlighted his complete incompetence as a footballer...if a surgeon killed two people in five minutes he'd probably look for a different profession. Surely, there are fields that need to be plowed around Aston with Harewood. -4
Sears: His presence lifts the team every time, and although he didn't get much time, he was very active and caused some problems. One move saw him flick an oncoming ball around a defender and spin him like a top - unfortunately he was fouled on the edge of the box, and even more unfortunately Phil Dowd had lost his whistle in one of the linesmens' arses. The kid needs more playing time. 7
The Mark of Zola
Yeah so we did well, and Zola took some solid steps to ensure the backing of the UP faithful. His subs were straight swaps and not defencive in nature, Sears was one of them hinting at the further usage of the academy, and he was gracious in taking over and even offered Curbs some compliments. Very likable guy, very good start, I've almost forgotten who he used to play for already.
11 September, 2008
Ztepping Stone?
So we got Zola, he's now taking the reigns, and yet I feel so confused and ambivalent about all of this. Zola, there's no denying, was a world class player, an inspirational player, he was Chelsea's Paolo. Now I don't want to complain, and I definitely back him now that he's officially our manager, but this just seems like such a strange decision, and to me there's only one justification behind choosing Zola over Paolo, I mean they both have the same qualification, they both are inexperienced, they're both Italian and should get along with Nani, and they were both passionate players. Zola though, has been coaching the Italian U-21s for a little while, and we may be looking to snag a couple of young up-and-comings from Italy to add to the academy and to groom into the first team. This is the only one up that Zola had on DiCanio to me, apart from maybe Paolo's reluctance to be bossed about by the board at "his club."
Well, we'll see I suppose. Best of luck Zola, we'll be behind you, and I hope the word "injury" isn't in your vocab book.
Oh and somebody smack that tart John Terry for me, interfering knob.
Well, we'll see I suppose. Best of luck Zola, we'll be behind you, and I hope the word "injury" isn't in your vocab book.
Oh and somebody smack that tart John Terry for me, interfering knob.
04 September, 2008
The Kerb for Curbs
What a week indeed, certainly some strange goings on uuurm going on. We've seen McCartney leave, Green back in the England squad, two unknowns come in a day after the close of the transfer window, Curbs walk out, and now we are in pursuit of a new manager.
Let me just say that my polls seem to be a bit prophetic; the first was in regards to whether or not Green will get called back into the England squad....a week or two later he does. And the second asked if Curbs would still be around or if he would be replaced.....1 day after it went up Curbs walked out! Needless to say I'm scared of putting any other questions up apart from will Ronadinho come to Upton Park, I think for this poll I may only leave one option for response - "yes."
Details, details, details...
You all know what happened by now so I won't rehash what you've probably already read on better and more popular blogs (thanks for the few of you that do follow this though, and please spread the word, it'd be nice to have an early retirement off the back of giving my opinion ;-)
But we should now look ahead to what the hell we are going to do, and delve into what I think are some reasons that explain the recent activity at UP...
Firstly, I have a bit of reality that I'd like to share with you all regarding our fans' reported favourites to replace Curbs...
1) Bilic - sorry, but he's not a club manager, he has no experience there, and due to that will have just as few contacts in the European club football world as Curbs. He's not really proven at all, and jumping in just because he's an ex-iron would be silly. Did we also forget in this haze of lust that he jumped ship from us for better money at Everton?
2) DiCanio - as much as I love the man he too has little experience to manage a team. I do not question his dedication or commitment, nor his passion and love for the club, but I believe that his services would be better put to use as a strikers' coach, following in the role of Ludo. If he would like to some day be our manager, then he won't mind playing second fiddle for a while under the wing of a more veteran manager. Think Carlos Quiroz.
3) H - I love H, I love what he did for us, I loved his commitment, I loved his MOTD interviews, but realistically he's not exactly king stable is he? How many players came in and out of the doors of UP when he was with us. Add on to that our new board's high influence in transfers and he'll keep well away.
So there you have it. I personally have no clue who we will bring in (please not Big Sam, not our style at all), but the one thing that is apparent is that the board are running this operation a little differently than times past. From the top down we look more like a continental set up with Nani playing a role that you just don't see in English football, and what self respecting English manager that is in no rush to find a new job would possibly contend with that? I think we'll be looking abroad for a new manager, someone who isn't going to be alienated by the way that this board wants to run things...who that'll be, time will only tell - maybe for this reason alone it could be DiCanio.
Curbs
I was sad to see him go to be honest, you could see his power waning, and with the decisions the board has made recently I think it became apparent that he was facing an uphill battle to manage the way he wanted to. I'd just like to say thanks Curbs, you kept us up and steadied the ship, you should have been given at least this year to show your mettle.
Hopefully, the clear out, and the lack of signings is an indication that the board knew that they were forcing Curbs out and that this money isn't going to Landisbaki (or whatever it is!) but is being put in the kitty for the next manager to use in January or next summer. As I've mentioned before, Nani's stamp on the incomings is already apparent, and this could be yet another sign of an incoming foreign manager, possibly Italian. I think I'll change my name to Guiseppi, and send in the old CV.
Let me just say that my polls seem to be a bit prophetic; the first was in regards to whether or not Green will get called back into the England squad....a week or two later he does. And the second asked if Curbs would still be around or if he would be replaced.....1 day after it went up Curbs walked out! Needless to say I'm scared of putting any other questions up apart from will Ronadinho come to Upton Park, I think for this poll I may only leave one option for response - "yes."
Details, details, details...
You all know what happened by now so I won't rehash what you've probably already read on better and more popular blogs (thanks for the few of you that do follow this though, and please spread the word, it'd be nice to have an early retirement off the back of giving my opinion ;-)
But we should now look ahead to what the hell we are going to do, and delve into what I think are some reasons that explain the recent activity at UP...
Firstly, I have a bit of reality that I'd like to share with you all regarding our fans' reported favourites to replace Curbs...
1) Bilic - sorry, but he's not a club manager, he has no experience there, and due to that will have just as few contacts in the European club football world as Curbs. He's not really proven at all, and jumping in just because he's an ex-iron would be silly. Did we also forget in this haze of lust that he jumped ship from us for better money at Everton?
2) DiCanio - as much as I love the man he too has little experience to manage a team. I do not question his dedication or commitment, nor his passion and love for the club, but I believe that his services would be better put to use as a strikers' coach, following in the role of Ludo. If he would like to some day be our manager, then he won't mind playing second fiddle for a while under the wing of a more veteran manager. Think Carlos Quiroz.
3) H - I love H, I love what he did for us, I loved his commitment, I loved his MOTD interviews, but realistically he's not exactly king stable is he? How many players came in and out of the doors of UP when he was with us. Add on to that our new board's high influence in transfers and he'll keep well away.
So there you have it. I personally have no clue who we will bring in (please not Big Sam, not our style at all), but the one thing that is apparent is that the board are running this operation a little differently than times past. From the top down we look more like a continental set up with Nani playing a role that you just don't see in English football, and what self respecting English manager that is in no rush to find a new job would possibly contend with that? I think we'll be looking abroad for a new manager, someone who isn't going to be alienated by the way that this board wants to run things...who that'll be, time will only tell - maybe for this reason alone it could be DiCanio.
Curbs
I was sad to see him go to be honest, you could see his power waning, and with the decisions the board has made recently I think it became apparent that he was facing an uphill battle to manage the way he wanted to. I'd just like to say thanks Curbs, you kept us up and steadied the ship, you should have been given at least this year to show your mettle.
Hopefully, the clear out, and the lack of signings is an indication that the board knew that they were forcing Curbs out and that this money isn't going to Landisbaki (or whatever it is!) but is being put in the kitty for the next manager to use in January or next summer. As I've mentioned before, Nani's stamp on the incomings is already apparent, and this could be yet another sign of an incoming foreign manager, possibly Italian. I think I'll change my name to Guiseppi, and send in the old CV.
01 September, 2008
Happiness Is a Warm Gun
Now that I live in the States, it should come as no surprise to you that being able to get my hands on a big-fuck-off-weapon is really not that hard at all. Virginia, for instance, has open air markets where you can easily get a hold of a shooter. Tomorrow in fact, I may venture into the Virginia countryside and do just that, in an attempt to blow my head off to rid myself of the memory of the absolute tragedy that was the closing day of the transfer window.
Now, I'm not one of those Johnny-come-latelys who is all too bothered about signing as many players as possible for ridiculous sums of money, which seems to be all too a la mode is the Prem nowadays. Man City for instance decided to blow £34m on Robinho today, now in my books no one is worth that much, and I'll renew my call for a salary and transfer fee cap in light of seeing the old British transfer fee record broken twice within about an hour (Berbatov being the second). But I am very angry that our dear Linda was let go. The official site states that Linda handed in a transfer request due to family reasons...apparently his misses couldn't settle in down south, and if this is true then fair enough - Linda was a good servant, and sometimes these things happen. But this surely has to have some spin on it somewhere - if Linda was so set to venture back up North, then why wasn't this transfer request honoured a lot sooner? Why didn't we sell him a week or two ago and give ourselves a bit of time to go out and replace him? Didn't he just sign a new 5 year contract with us this summer? And why did we play him on Saturday when we could have used that opportunity to blood more youngsters? This last fact makes me believe that the wake between Curbs and the board may be more like a tidal wave with both Anton and Linda taken from right under his nose.
So now not only have we just ousted our second best player according to the HOTY awards last season, but we also have no recognised left-back. And whilst I don't care if we really challenge for the Champs League or not within the next 4 years (or even Europe in general, although it would be nice!), if you're the board and you've come public with that statement, then you have to ask yourselves what have you done to actualise this ambition? I'm not saying go out and splash a ludicrous amount of cash on Robinho, but bloody hell at least keep a hold of the talent we have.
On a lighter note though, we no longer have selection problems for our back four, we only have four fit so we know who'll be playing!
Best of luck to you Linda, you'll be missed.
Now, I'm not one of those Johnny-come-latelys who is all too bothered about signing as many players as possible for ridiculous sums of money, which seems to be all too a la mode is the Prem nowadays. Man City for instance decided to blow £34m on Robinho today, now in my books no one is worth that much, and I'll renew my call for a salary and transfer fee cap in light of seeing the old British transfer fee record broken twice within about an hour (Berbatov being the second). But I am very angry that our dear Linda was let go. The official site states that Linda handed in a transfer request due to family reasons...apparently his misses couldn't settle in down south, and if this is true then fair enough - Linda was a good servant, and sometimes these things happen. But this surely has to have some spin on it somewhere - if Linda was so set to venture back up North, then why wasn't this transfer request honoured a lot sooner? Why didn't we sell him a week or two ago and give ourselves a bit of time to go out and replace him? Didn't he just sign a new 5 year contract with us this summer? And why did we play him on Saturday when we could have used that opportunity to blood more youngsters? This last fact makes me believe that the wake between Curbs and the board may be more like a tidal wave with both Anton and Linda taken from right under his nose.
So now not only have we just ousted our second best player according to the HOTY awards last season, but we also have no recognised left-back. And whilst I don't care if we really challenge for the Champs League or not within the next 4 years (or even Europe in general, although it would be nice!), if you're the board and you've come public with that statement, then you have to ask yourselves what have you done to actualise this ambition? I'm not saying go out and splash a ludicrous amount of cash on Robinho, but bloody hell at least keep a hold of the talent we have.
On a lighter note though, we no longer have selection problems for our back four, we only have four fit so we know who'll be playing!
Best of luck to you Linda, you'll be missed.
31 August, 2008
The Grass Is Greener...
So the legend that is Rob Green has finally won a place in the England squad. Well done Greeny, much deserved and long overdue. Cappello must have finally changed his glasses. Whether he will start or not is another question, he will most likely see James and Robinson in front of him - this I have problem with. James, although decent, is getting on a bit, there's no way he could possibly represent the future for England, and will have a tough time staying number 1 for the next World Cup. That just skims the surface, as we all know James' record on making some really silly decisions.
Robinson got 4 stuck past him this weekend, and in my books is very overrated. Whilst a decent shot stopper, his positioning on crosses is far from good as we exposed on Saturday. Add on to that his record with calamity moments as well and we should surely see that Green is by far the better keeper.
Upson makes another return to the lineup, as justifiably so, The Rock has been solid for us over the last year.
A surprise is seeing Ashton not feature, especially considering the inclusion of Heskey. Ashton though, has done himself very few favours, his brace against Wigan may have been watched by Cappello, but you must admit that his performances since have been average at best. He is a big boy, but I'd say his frame is no larger than a Heskey or a Rooney, and if he wants to break into the England set up then he has to become more mobile. As aforementioned on this site though he can be a game changer, plucking genius out of nowhere, which is more than can be said about Heskey - but football is a game of percentages I suppose, and you can guarantee that Heskey will work his arse off, even if it does get little accomplished. Maybe Cappello was just a Les Ferdinand fan, and likes the big man for intimidation factors - who knows. But from my standpoint, I think Ashton or Crouch would have been a far better pick to get you goals.
I guess I should change my questionnaire now too!
Squad...
Robinson (Overrated), James (Not the future), Green (Legend); Lescott (decent, but not on form), Bridge (Does he even get a game?), A Cole (I used to work with a bloke that looked just like him), Terry (Scum, but solid), Brown (Decent), Ferdinand (Should be captain), Johnson (More adventurous than Brown), Upson (The Rock); Barry (Good), J Cole (Wish he was still with us), Lampard (Overrated), Bullard (Happy he was picked, really pulling the strings at Fulham and certainly in form), Beckham (Not the future, but looks better than anyone else on the right), Downing (He's ok), Bentley (Not in form), Jenas (Never fulfilled his potential); Walcott (Is he really a striker, where do you play him?), Rooney (Quality, but not on form), Defoe (Always a pest, performance depends on who lines up next to him), Heskey(Bit of a donkey but you can't question his commitment).
Robinson got 4 stuck past him this weekend, and in my books is very overrated. Whilst a decent shot stopper, his positioning on crosses is far from good as we exposed on Saturday. Add on to that his record with calamity moments as well and we should surely see that Green is by far the better keeper.
Upson makes another return to the lineup, as justifiably so, The Rock has been solid for us over the last year.
A surprise is seeing Ashton not feature, especially considering the inclusion of Heskey. Ashton though, has done himself very few favours, his brace against Wigan may have been watched by Cappello, but you must admit that his performances since have been average at best. He is a big boy, but I'd say his frame is no larger than a Heskey or a Rooney, and if he wants to break into the England set up then he has to become more mobile. As aforementioned on this site though he can be a game changer, plucking genius out of nowhere, which is more than can be said about Heskey - but football is a game of percentages I suppose, and you can guarantee that Heskey will work his arse off, even if it does get little accomplished. Maybe Cappello was just a Les Ferdinand fan, and likes the big man for intimidation factors - who knows. But from my standpoint, I think Ashton or Crouch would have been a far better pick to get you goals.
I guess I should change my questionnaire now too!
Squad...
Robinson (Overrated), James (Not the future), Green (Legend); Lescott (decent, but not on form), Bridge (Does he even get a game?), A Cole (I used to work with a bloke that looked just like him), Terry (Scum, but solid), Brown (Decent), Ferdinand (Should be captain), Johnson (More adventurous than Brown), Upson (The Rock); Barry (Good), J Cole (Wish he was still with us), Lampard (Overrated), Bullard (Happy he was picked, really pulling the strings at Fulham and certainly in form), Beckham (Not the future, but looks better than anyone else on the right), Downing (He's ok), Bentley (Not in form), Jenas (Never fulfilled his potential); Walcott (Is he really a striker, where do you play him?), Rooney (Quality, but not on form), Defoe (Always a pest, performance depends on who lines up next to him), Heskey(Bit of a donkey but you can't question his commitment).
Most Wanted
With too much enthusiasm floating around these pages it's time to get back to being a miserable bastard, so I present to you my list of 5 most hated footballers, again in no particular order...
1) El Hadji Diouf: I just want to slap him every time I see his face. He's constantly whinging, and always complains when he doesn't get the call to go his way, he huffs and puffs and throws his arms around like a petulant child. He also bears an uncanny resemblance to Casper the Ghost.
2) Frank Lump-o'-lard: Aside from the predictable "he left us then slagged us off" charade, I just feel that he is amazingly overrated. He's crap for England and seems to think he owns a spot in the starting eleven. In the last World Cup I saw him take more shots than any other player and he may have gotten two on target. I remember walking out of the room when it was his turn to take a penalty because I just knew he was going to miss. And all that badge kissing means nothing when the only reason he's still at Chelsea is that they are willing to pay more than anyone else.
Ok, maybe Beardsley shades it.
4) Christiano Ronaldo: I think everyone outside of Old Trafford feels this way, and after this summer maybe many within OT feel this way too. What an ungrateful whinging twat. He is undoubtedly very talented, and I'd probably respect him, not like but respect him if he didn't fall over every time somebody looks at him the wrong way. Add that onto his public circus act this summer trying to get out of Man U only a year after signing a new contract, and comparing himself to a slave (despicable) and you have the makings of possibly the most idiotic person in football at the moment - topped only by Sepp Blatter who agreed with him! Poor you Christiano, I can certainly draw a logical comparison between being whipped, starved, brutalised, and being made to row across oceans with having to kick a ball around for the minute fee of 120,000 quid a week - dickhead.
5) Gary Neville: Shave that bloody rat-stache Gary, you look like a knob.
Well that was fun, I may have to do this again with footballers from the past. How about you lot, who do you hate and why?
1) El Hadji Diouf: I just want to slap him every time I see his face. He's constantly whinging, and always complains when he doesn't get the call to go his way, he huffs and puffs and throws his arms around like a petulant child. He also bears an uncanny resemblance to Casper the Ghost.
2) Frank Lump-o'-lard: Aside from the predictable "he left us then slagged us off" charade, I just feel that he is amazingly overrated. He's crap for England and seems to think he owns a spot in the starting eleven. In the last World Cup I saw him take more shots than any other player and he may have gotten two on target. I remember walking out of the room when it was his turn to take a penalty because I just knew he was going to miss. And all that badge kissing means nothing when the only reason he's still at Chelsea is that they are willing to pay more than anyone else.
3) Ivan "Bozo" Campo: Campo just looks like a clown, I want to give him a big red nose and novelty oversized shoes for him to patrol the right wing with. His footballing ability is average at best, but he just looks like a fucking clown - those aren't flowing locks Ivan, you look like a twat, now get a haircut. If there was a contest between footballers of who could do the best Stephen Hawking impression, it would be between him and Peter Beardsley.
Ok, maybe Beardsley shades it.
4) Christiano Ronaldo: I think everyone outside of Old Trafford feels this way, and after this summer maybe many within OT feel this way too. What an ungrateful whinging twat. He is undoubtedly very talented, and I'd probably respect him, not like but respect him if he didn't fall over every time somebody looks at him the wrong way. Add that onto his public circus act this summer trying to get out of Man U only a year after signing a new contract, and comparing himself to a slave (despicable) and you have the makings of possibly the most idiotic person in football at the moment - topped only by Sepp Blatter who agreed with him! Poor you Christiano, I can certainly draw a logical comparison between being whipped, starved, brutalised, and being made to row across oceans with having to kick a ball around for the minute fee of 120,000 quid a week - dickhead.
5) Gary Neville: Shave that bloody rat-stache Gary, you look like a knob.
Well that was fun, I may have to do this again with footballers from the past. How about you lot, who do you hate and why?
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